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Hi,

I lost my cat due to heart failure sept'15. I had her since the start and she helped a great deal with my mental illness.

Since my loss I've hidden my emotions until most lunch breaks where I have to find somewhere quiet and breakdown. I was in a very difficult place before she passed and was in the middle of a lapse. I've muddled through since but I'm now running low on energy and going to some very dark places again. What techniques have you used to cope with the loss? Particularly those that suffer with mental illness?

thanks

Hello,
I'm so sorry to hear about your very sad loss and that you are going through such a troubling time right now.
I too suffer from on-going mental health issues, and when I had my beloved cat Big Fella put to sleep in January 2015, I found the physical and mental pain so severe I had to take leave from work.
I have no shame in admitting I felt suicidal to begin with as I literally couldn't bear life without my boy. Like your beloved cat, Big Fella was in tune with my emotions and was always 'there' for me, comforting me in very dark and difficult days.
I can only say to you that grief has no time limit, and try not to fight it; allow yourself time to cry but, if you can, think of all the positive, wonderful memories you have.
I do have days when I feel very down and I cry my eyes out missing Big Fella, it's only been a year for you.... it's natural, especially if you are experiencing an episode to feel particularly vulnerable and upset.
Have you tried pet bereavement counselling?
I highly recommend it, and it really helped me. If you go to The Blue Cross website you'll find a telephone number and email details - it's completely free and the counsellor s are trained specifically in pet bereavement.
I didn't want to phone up as I was to upset to talk about Big Fella, so I had counselling via email.
As well as doing this, keep in touch on the Ralph site as there is a lot of support here for you.
Finally, and I don't know what your diagnosis is, but please go to your GP/Consultant and explain how awful you are feeling right now. I remember seeing my GP and having my meds increased in the short-term, which again, was of some help.
Remember you are not alone
Take care and stay in touch
Michelle xx

Hello, I'm very sorry for the loss of your cat. How long was she with you? I know how difficult it is to lose them and how lonely and empty life can seem. It sounds as if you have been trying to deal with all of this on your own. Do you have anyone to talk to? There are some very good pet loss support services available now, and contacting someone there may be a place to start: http://www.theralphsite.com/index.php?idPage=21. Do try it if you can. Blue Cross offer an email service as well if you don't feel able to talk.

Thank you both for your messages.

I had her 17 years, so was with her as a child going through my teenage years.
I take regular breaks from the office and sit by the sea to disconnect from everything. I find the sea calming and an opportunity to let my emotions out. Sadly I don't have anyone that I feel like I could talk to, which has always been the case since a child. I'm very much used to dealing with things this way.

I've never had a proper diagnosis, never been brave enough to talk to anyone about it. I've always done a good job of hiding it, but I feel over the past few months it might be starting to show.

Thank you for your recomondation for the blue cross. I will certainly make contact this weekend.

Yes, I know how you feel...I think it is much better to talk to people on here who share a great love of their pets and their significance in our lives, and to also talk things through with a trained counsellor.
I found The Blue Cross service really beneficial and they are very supportive.
Please don't be afraid to speak to your GP either - they see many people everyday coming to them about their mental health. Don't suffer in silence, there is a lot of support out there. And remember to keep in touch on here too!
Take care of yourself
Michelle X

17 years is a very long time and a wonderful long life for a cat, but a huge loss for you. I had always assumed mine would be with me for many years to come, but she was gone suddenly this May, just a couple of weeks before her 9th birthday. The loss of those future years is very difficult to come to terms with. I also find the sea calming ... the sound of the waves seems to silence the world for a while.

I can only agree with Michelle. There is a lot of support out there. It can be very difficult to talk when you are used to dealing with everything on your own, but you have made that first step now. Good to hear that you will contact the BC. Let us know how it goes.

Again thank you for reaching out. It's much appreciated.
I also want to aplogise for not expressing my condolences to yourselves. Its been a very confused recently and you're probabky both having a difficult time. For that I'm sorry.

It's admirable that you can both offer advise as well as tackling your personal loss.
Thanks

No need to apologise at all. We are all going through the worst of times and I think we all want to help each other if we can. And it does seem to help to share experiences. How are you feeling today?

Yesterday was better thank you. I had a sit by the beach again and definitely felt much better for it.

I think just starting to talk about has been the trigger that's relieved the pressure.

I'm sorry to write again. But today I'm having another turn.

The month prior to her passing she was on thyroid food to manage her issue. For 6 months gained weight was happy in her self and doing fine. I would visit my parents where she was at least once or twice a week. Then without me noticed they changed her to a tablet and within a couple of days she went off her food, became lethargic. Then vet said to keep giving her the medication. But I knew this was wrong. She wasn't happy and dropping weight quick.

I decided to check daily and made the decision to get her off these drugs to try and recover. But it was too late, she was fading. I had the week off work to spend with her. Sadly the first day we had to rush her in where the options were operate or pts. I asked the vet what whey would do, which was pts.

I should have acted quicker and have zero contact with my mother who I hold totally respoible for. I had no communication apart from cat updates.

I'm at a total loss here. This is over a year and I really can't see a way out.

I'm so sorry of this. I didn't contact the blue cross at the weekend. I will try again this week.

No need to apologise - you are always welcome to post your thoughts on this Forum.

I'm so sorry you're having another bad time. From everything you've said I think you did the very best you could – going to see her regularly, following the vet's advice, taking time off to spend with her. With hindsight it's very easy to start asking what could have been done differently and to feel guilty about not doing 'the right thing.' Grief often brings these confusing feelings of guilt, blame and anger, directed at ourselves and others.

A year is a very long time to keep all these feelings to yourself. I think it will help to contact the Blue Cross or another of the support lines. You will find your way through this. Your much loved cat is now at peace. Do try to think about all the good times you shared and not dwell on the sad ones.

Thank you again.

Yesterday I went to visit my other childhood cat as the patients were away. She just turned 18.

Immediately I was very concerned about her weight. So I took it upon myself to get her a checkup. She's had blood tests and the vet believes it's over active thyroid. Same as my last cat. The disgraceful part is that my mother acknowledged a issue because I can see high calorie food, but yet wouldn't take her to the vet for a checkup.

After chatting to the vet she said they hadn't seen her for a checkup since 2013! But did see her last week for a nail clip and noted and advised to see a vet for checkup. Aweful to treat an animal, I'm absolutely distraught.

£136 lighter I'm awaiting blood tests, but it had the call yet. I really hope I'm not too late to help her.

Sat here at the beach falling apart on my lunch. Need to get it together.

Thanks for your help

So sorry to hear about your other cat. It's very sad she has not had a check-up for several years. But whatever the results of the tests you have already helped her by taking her to the vet. If there is a problem hopefully the vet can recommend a course of treatment. Let us know what they say. You're doing the right thing for your cat. Try to stay strong, and do take care of yourself.