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Really,really struggling :(

Posted by: Sharon Thorley Posts: 11 - Joined: Thu Apr 24th, 2014 07:08 pm

#601 - by Sharon Thorley >> Thu May 1st, 2014 08:55 pm

It will be 7 weeks on Saturday,15th March,since our very precious house bunny,Rascal,passed over to Rainbow Bridge. Today she would have been 3 years old. Only 3 weeks before she had to leave us she developed an aggressive tumour behind one of her beautiful big brown eyes,her left one. Obviously wanting to give her a fighting chance, I/we decided to go through with the op to have her eye removed although this was a very difficult decision too as I know it was a huge op for her. The other alternative was to have her pts. She had the op on the 14th & despite a bleed during surgery she got through it but wasn`t at all well since I brought her home on the Friday evening. I stayed up with her through the night but had to take her to the emergency vets on the Sat morn. Despite various injections to help her she passed away not long after we got back. I know we (my daughter & I) were with her at the end & I know some people don`t get that chance, but it was awful to watch her struggle in her last moments & she must have been in so much pain since the op. She was so brave & even let us hold her on the morning she died which she never allowed us to before as she was a large French lop. As I held her I said to her I knew she was very poorly & could go if she needed to. Was just all too much for her. Feel so guilty for putting her through it all. Seems so unfair. We thought we would have her for years to come. She was inside kept warm & safe from harm, was well fed & given the run of the house day & night & we ended up losing her from a poorly eye. Feel incredibly guilty for putting her through such a huge op & I know I should have done more to save her, i.e.} rang the emergency vets sooner. It`s nothing compared to how she must have been feeling but this pain I feel is like nothing I`ve ever felt before. Coming in to an empty house is unbearable. Keep looking for her in the places she used to lie & listening for her in the night & not seeing her at the bottom of the stairs waiting in the morning is horrendous. Can`t bring myself to remove any of her things yet. Would feel like I was getting rid of her. She wasn`t `just a rabbit`. I know the wonderful people on this amazing site are the only ones that will understand that I am in pieces & it`s not getting any easier as the weeks go by. How can I begin to come to terms with the fact there is a huge bunny shaped hole in my heart? Thank you.x
Posted by: Penny Hudson Posts: 155 - Joined: Tue Mar 13th, 2012 03:35 pm

#602 - by Penny Hudson >> Thu May 1st, 2014 09:39 pm

Dear Sharon, Sending you love and understanding completely how you feel. The feelings we have after our precious little furry babies have died are mixed, and I have been through them all . You loved your precious Rascal so much and wanted to give her a chance by having the operation; we would all do anything we could; my cat Toffee was diagnosed with cancer, and we had her home with us for a few weeks before she was pts. My emotions were in a whirl and I went through all the feelings you are having. She died in December 2011 and never a day goes by when I don't still feel the pain of her loss; she will be in my heart forever; a special little girl - my baby. I still have her little basket of toys, and photos all round the house of her. These help me, so don't rush to remove Rascal's things until you feel ready. Take care of yourself; Rascal is playing with the other angel bunnies and knew how very much you loved her. Bless you xx Penny
Posted by: Ruth Greenhalgh Posts: 2 - Joined: Mon Sep 9th, 2013 03:30 pm

#603 - by Ruth Greenhalgh >> Thu May 1st, 2014 09:44 pm

Dear Sharon,

First of all, I am so, so sorry for your loss. It really is so hard when we lose a much loved pet. I have had to make that heartbreaking decision many times and it never gets any easier! They are not "just animals", they are part of the family. Every bit as important as our human family!! I would add several things. First of all, it really is still very, very early days. You are still very early on in the grieving process and I think you do have to give yourself plenty of time to come to terms with this loss. There are no rules about how long grieving takes. You take as long as you need and, whatever you think and feel, don't let anybody tell you you should feel differently! Guilt is a normal part of grief, but is not necessary because you clearly were a loving owner. That brings me to my second point. I really do think you did absolutely everything that a loving and caring owner could do. You gave Rascal the best possible chance and did the very best for her. She was loved right to the last and would have known that. You could not have predicted how things would go and did what seemed (and indeed was!) the best choice given what you knew. We only have one exact science - hindsight! We use it to berate ourselves when, the truth is, we only ever do what seems absolutely right at the time. If we had the gift of foresight we'd never go wrong, but we don't have that gift and so have to just try our best. That's what you did for Rascal and she will have loved you for doing that.
Try to stay strong. Everything you are feeling and experiencing is a normal part of grief and loss, and all you can do is let it run it's course. Eventually, the good memories start to overtake the pain and you will get through this. That hole will be filled eventually. Maybe with another animal, maybe just with time. In the meantime, I'm sending you lots of love and virtual hugs. Take care of yourself. Lots of Love, Ruth. XXXXXX (and my furry family!!).
Posted by: BLUEYES Posts: 2 - Joined: Sun Mar 16th, 2014 11:14 am

#604 - by BLUEYES >> Thu May 1st, 2014 10:29 pm

Dear Sharon,never feel guilty for trying everything possible for your pet,i was in same situation 6 months ago with my gorgeous 15yr old dog Chay,i eventually had to have him put to sleep due to eye problem,i was willing to pay any amount to have his eye removed and give him a good chance of a better quality of life but i didn,t get the chance as my vet refused as he said that there was more going on in his brain than just the swelling that was causing his eye problem,i took the heartbreaking decision to end his life pain free but in doing so created my own pain,i had Chay cremated and his ashes now sit in my bedroom right next to my bed even though his bed and blanket are still in his favourite place by my radiator in my bedroom,i have not yet picked up the courage to remove it yet,it seems to give me comfort as i can still see his fur strands on it,might seem silly but it keeps me close to him,no matter how big or small or what type of pet we own the passing of them leaves a massive hole in our hearts,this hole will decrease in time and you will then remember the good times you had,the biggest sacrifice we can ever make is letting them go to a peaceful place free from pain,hope this poem helps you and sleep peacefully Rascal xxx To have loved and then said farewell, is better than to have never loved at all.
For all of the times that you have stooped and touched my head, fed me my favorite treat and returned the love that I so unconditionally gave to you.
For the care that you gave to me so unselfishly.
For all of these things I am grateful and thankful.

I ask that you not grieve for the loss, but rejoice in the fact that we lived, loved and touched each others lives. My life was fuller because you were there, not as a master/owner, but as my FRIEND.

Today I am as I was in my youth. The grass is always green, butterflies flit among the flowers and the Sun shines gently down upon all of God's creatures.
I can run, jump, play and do all of the things that I did in my youth. There is no sickness, no aching joints and no regrets and no aging.

We await the arrival of our lifelong companions and know that togetherness is forever.
You live in our hearts as we do in yours. Companions such as you are so rare and unique.
Don't hold the love that you have within yourself. Give it to another like me and then I will live forever. For love never really dies, and you are loved and missed as surely as we are.
Posted by: Maura Harmon Posts: 2 - Joined: Thu May 1st, 2014 10:44 pm

#605 - by Maura Harmon >> Thu May 1st, 2014 10:52 pm

Hi Sharon. I'm so sorry about your wonderful bunny Rascal. I know exactly how you feel as I lost my dog Molly in January and am still trying to cope. I had to make that difficult decision to try to help her also and when it didn't work, I like you, felt guilty until I realised I was doing all the right things. Please don't feel guilty anymore as you had to give your baby that one last chance. It's very hard but I promise you it will get better when you forgive yourself.

Rascal, like my Molly, will be there waiting when it's time for us to go - I know it. Rest in peace little Rascal and run free xx
Posted by: Admin Posts: 73 - Joined: Wed Jun 8th, 2011 01:05 am

#606 - by Admin >> Fri May 2nd, 2014 07:31 pm

Tammy Stendall on Facebook:

"Dear Sharon, I was not able to get onto your link, proxy server not responding but I wanted you to know that your Rascal is still with you. He/she is alive in your heart and memory. I lost one of my best friends last year and I still can't think about her without pain in my heart at her loss."
The Ralph Site Admin
Posted by: Sharon Thorley Posts: 11 - Joined: Thu Apr 24th, 2014 07:08 pm

#607 - by Sharon Thorley >> Wed May 7th, 2014 10:56 pm

Thank you all so very much for your incredibly kind messages of support. Apologies for not thanking you before now. I look on the site daily & my heart goes out to each & every one of you who have suffered the loss of a beautiful pet. I also want to send you all much love & special prayers to you & your fur babies.It is a huge comfort to know that there are lovely people who genuinely care but unfortunately know how much it hurts. I am stunned at how much it has affected me & the depth of the grief for her. Still worrying about her & wondering if she is ok & if she knows we still adore her & how much we miss her.Easter was really hard as there were obviously bunnies everywhere.They are such beautiful animals & not given the credit they deserve.Trying to console myself by thinking that she had a good quality of life rather than quantity.But then I look at her little casket & that's when I crumble.She was so young.Thank you for reassuring me that there is no rush to start removing her things yet. I tried at the weekend but just couldn`t so leaving it for now. We adopted Rascal from a well known pet store when she was 14 weeks old. We only went in with a friend so they could get a cat litter tray. I had just finished telling my daughter that there was no way we were having a rabbit (due to lack of outside space) when we were on our way out & Rascals previous owners walked in with her. Was love at first sight. When they said she was a house bunny I had no excuses! Had we have not gone in that day or even if we had left the store just a few minutes earlier she would never have been such a huge part of our lives.One day,in the future,we will go to a rescue centre & welcome another little heartbeat into our home & give him/her the love & care we would have continued to give to Rascal.

We love you our crazy furry one. So very sorry you had to suffer at the end. We only tried to help you. Hope you are ok & pain free. You will be forever in our hearts & will always be very, very special to us & we miss you more than you will ever know. See you at the Bridge baby girl.xxx
Posted by: Penny Hudson Posts: 155 - Joined: Tue Mar 13th, 2012 03:35 pm

#608 - by Penny Hudson >> Thu May 8th, 2014 12:14 am

Dear Sharon, Thank you for your kind words. Take your time and don't rush; as I said my darling Toffee died nearly 2 and a half years ago, but I still have her little basket of toys, where they always were. If you want to keep Rascal's things around do so; these are things that remind you of the happy times. Rascal will always be around you because of the deep love you shared, and she knows how much you loved her. Sending you love and understanding; take care, and remember we are always here if you want to talk. Hugs xxxxxxx
Posted by: Aileen G Langford Posts: 7 - Joined: Sun Mar 23rd, 2014 08:57 pm

#610 - by Aileen G Langford >> Thu May 8th, 2014 11:44 am

Dear Sharon,
So sorry to hear about your lovely Bunny Rascal. You are still in the early stages of the grieving process, no-one can tell you how long it takes, every one is different, so don't beat yourself up. You know deep down you did everything possible for Rascals and she knows you were there with her and that is why she let you cuddle her at the end. I always believe everything happens for a reason, why were you in the store at that time!!! Rascal was meant to come to you.
I agree with Penny about Rascals belongings, if you want to keep them lying about so you should, we lost our last boy in July and I still have all his toys lying about along with his biscuits, for weeks I couldn't move his bedding etc., but now his bedding is getting used for our other boy, but he is still in our hearts and I still miss him and our other boys and I know they are about, and I will see them all at Rainbow Bridge, when I get there!!!
Rascal is now out of pain and he is at Rainbow Bridge hopping about with her bunny family and is waiting for you, she will never forget you and she knows you did everything possible for her,I am sure she didn't want to go, but she would be in a lot of pain, unfortunately our pets want to please us, and don't show us that they are in pain, they know that as owners we will do the best for them and most animal owners won't let our pet suffer!!
You will know when the time is right to go and rescue another furry little friend.
Just you take your time the grieving process can be a long process for some people.
How is your daughter doing.
You take care and just remember there are people who care.
Aileen x
Posted by: Penny Hudson Posts: 155 - Joined: Tue Mar 13th, 2012 03:35 pm

#611 - by Penny Hudson >> Thu May 8th, 2014 11:53 am

Dear Sharon, Understanding your sorrow; I still grieve for Toffee, and although over two years since she died have not been able to have another cat; I don't feel ready. We all vary in our feelings and I might consider fostering when our holidays are over. Leave her little toys etc around; she is with you, and they help ! You did everything you could for Rascal; we all go through different stages of grief, and this is quite natural. It's not easy; not everyone understands, but we know how we feel and have lots of precious friends on here who do so understand. Through the Ralph Site I have met 2 wonderful friends; one of which I am meeting at the end of the month. We understand and share our feelings for our so much loved and precious pets. Bless you; take care, and take things gently xx
Posted by: Aileen G Langford Posts: 7 - Joined: Sun Mar 23rd, 2014 08:57 pm

#612 - by Aileen G Langford >> Tue May 13th, 2014 08:06 pm

Hi Penny, Sharon is absolutely right, some people need to go out and get another pet right away as that is the way they cope, other people can take years like she said she is not ready for another cat after 2 years. Unfortunately some people who have never had pets don't realise how we feel about our pets and how they are very much a part of our family, they think we are nuts, which if far from the truth, we must feel sorry for them as they have never experienced the love our pets have for us. We can make friends through pet bereavement sites I have made a few through another site, but it is nice to read that Penny has made two lovely friends, and she can talk to them as they know how she feels, I hope you manage to make a friend of two through this site, it does help to talk, I don't mind people e-mailing me. I live quite a bit away from the friends I have made through the other site.
Anyway the people on this site care and are here to help you through your sad time.
Take care .
Posted by: Sharon Thorley Posts: 11 - Joined: Thu Apr 24th, 2014 07:08 pm

#613 - by Sharon Thorley >> Wed May 14th, 2014 10:13 pm

Thank you again Pat & Aileen. Your kind words & taking the time to post really are helping. It just makes me cry when people are nice! My daughter seems to be coping better than I am. We talk about Rascal all the time but it`s a huge comfort to know that I can post on here when I am on my own or having a particularly bad day & I don`t want to lean on her too much (she is 13). Rascal was my furry daughter & was definitely meant to come & live with us & certainly taught me alot in the short time she was with us. I was never allowed a pet as a child,so this loss is a whole new experience. Still finding it hard to get my head around the fact that she won`t be there when I get in waiting (very!) impatiently for her food. Don`t think I will ever truly accept that I did all I could for her but would never want to prolong her pain & hope that she no longer feels that. Think knowing they`re in pain is worse than anything. Must have been awful. Know we will always miss her & think that its ok that if I have a time when I don`t or can`t think about her it doesn`t mean that I don`t love her anymore.
If only love was enough.
Thank you again & bless you all & your special fur babies.xx
Posted by: Sharon Thorley Posts: 11 - Joined: Thu Apr 24th, 2014 07:08 pm

#614 - by Sharon Thorley >> Wed May 14th, 2014 10:14 pm

Sorry Penny for calling you Pat :( x
Posted by: Penny Hudson Posts: 155 - Joined: Tue Mar 13th, 2012 03:35 pm

#615 - by Penny Hudson >> Wed May 14th, 2014 10:35 pm

Dear Sharon, i understand all the feelings that you are going through, and my heart goes out to you. Toffee has been gone 2 and a half years now and I still cry for her; i miss her so much. We miss all the everyday things that we take for granted, and I miss particularly coming in and not being greeted by her. When we were burying her ; under the garden seat, which is always covered in pretty little flowers, there was a tiny red robin hovering around; most days a tiny red robin is still hovering around the seat, and i have found great comfort that it is a little sign to reassure me that she is safe and at peace. You will go through different emotions, and I have found sharing these feelings with other people in the same situation has helped me. i am always here if you want to talk about Rascal; your love for her will never end and the memories will get easier to talk about as time goes by. There are so many who don't understand, but there are lots of us that do and I have made 2 very special friends, as I said before, both experiencing the feelings that you are going through. Take care. Love and hugs , Penny x

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