Juggernaut 08/06/14

Posted by: Jodie Posts: 4 - Joined: Sun Jun 8th, 2014 02:07 pm

#623 - by Jodie >> Sun Jun 8th, 2014 03:11 pm

I had to put my little precious Juggernaut down today. He's had a lot of serious health problems for the last four years. He developed a hernia which pushed his intestines into his chest cavity. The vet gave the operation a 25% chance of survival so we opted not to pursue that and instead manage it in other ways. He was a very happy cat despite everything, always energetic and affectionate. A few months ago he developed chronic pneumonia. The vet put him on steroids to give him a chance at life but we were warned that it will flare up again and again. We managed fine with his medication and he resumed life as normal, with a few little ups and downs he was otherwise fine and perfectly happy.

But last night he got ill again, the worst I've seen him. He was retching violently and was left unable to breathe after it. It was 2 a.m. so there was not much I could do but wait until morning. Well this morning I was woken up by the retching again to find him totally unable to catch his breath, bleeding from the mouth and he had urinated on himself. The fact that he wet himself is what is hurting me most of all. It was like he was saying to me that he's tired of fighting and he was ready to go. I rang an emergency vet immediately and we brought him in. She gave him the option of being kept for the weekend but it was only going to prolong the inevitable and prolong his suffering. I made the decision to have him euthanized. It was an incredibly difficult decision that I have been struggling with for months. I decided not to go for it earlier as he seemed otherwise very happy and content. This morning it was just too much and I realised he had reached his final point. It was no longer fair and I hope I made the best decision.

I got to say goodbye to him and I hope I made his passing a little more comfortable. It was very distressing and all I can do right now is cry. I can't even clean his blood off the floor. It hasn't hit me yet properly that he's done and I'll no longer have sleepy midnight cuddles or see him acting silly playing with things. I feel so guilty that I put off the euthanisia for so long, even though I know it wasn't the right time then. Just seeing him today in such a sorry state has hurt my heart terribly and made me feel so guilty that I let him get to that point.

I'm going to miss my little baby so badly. He was with me for 5 very happy years, always fighting through no matter what life threw at him. He was a brave little soldier right until the very end. I hope I did the right thing for him.

I just want some advice on how to deal with the grief and the guilt because all I can do right now is cry and beat myself up that I let him get to a point where he was in so much pain.

Thank you guys in advance and thank you for this wonderful website. It's eased my mind reading peoples stories and the information regarding euthanasia. xxx
Posted by: jetarian Posts: 1 - Joined: Sat Jan 5th, 2013 06:37 pm

#624 - by jetarian >> Sun Jun 8th, 2014 07:44 pm

hi Jodie. I am really sorry that your lost your lovely boy. I just want to say that you did'nt 'let him get to a point where he was in pain'... He was a brave boy and he fought as long as he could, and you helped him fight. We all struggle with the decision to euthanize, and we should, it's not something we do lightly. I know you did everything you could, and it's right to grieve because it showed how special he was to you. So many cats (and other animals) never get the chance to be loved as Juggernaut was, so even though he was very ill, he did have you to care for him. grief is natural, but don't beat yourself up... he'd hate that! Be gentle with yourself, give your heart time to heal, and try and remember the good times. hugs and healing x
Posted by: connor Posts: 3 - Joined: Sat Jan 4th, 2014 06:10 pm

#625 - by connor >> Sun Jun 8th, 2014 07:49 pm

Dear Jodie, you did your best for the little man, he knows you did I am sure of this. I too have had to make the same choice many many times and like you, wondered if I was doing the right thing but in my heart knew I was. He is suffering no longer across the Rainbow bridge where there is no sickness, running and playing happily. Hope this little poem I have written helps. Take care and be assured there are people on this beautiful site will be thinking of you. The Rainbow Bridge. There is a little piece of heaven we all must see some day, a place where all our furry friends are well and all at play. No illness, hunger, sadness but joy for all to see, I know that all my furry friends are waiting there for me. So if you'v lost your furry pal and grieving, as you must, remember, they are waiting across that bridge for us
Posted by: Jodie Posts: 4 - Joined: Sun Jun 8th, 2014 02:07 pm

#626 - by Jodie >> Sun Jun 8th, 2014 07:54 pm

Connor, that was beautiful and brought tears to my eyes. Thank you Conor and Jeterian for your thoughtful words. I know I did the best thing for him, it's just so hard to deal with knowing that he won't be around anymore. It hasn't hit me fully yet. I expect this next week to be difficult and the reality will sink in that he's gone. I've cried all day but I know it's the best thing and he's no longer suffering and he would have appreciated my decision. Once again thank you both for your support xxx
Posted by: Brenda Callagher Posts: 4 - Joined: Tue May 13th, 2014 11:02 am

#627 - by Brenda Callagher >> Sun Jun 8th, 2014 08:20 pm

Jodie, I can understand exactly what you are feeling right now - I had to make the same agonising decision exactly one week ago over my 8-year old Simba. Connor's poem says it all, you and Juggernaut will be reunited one day, and he will always be with you in spirit. I could say that the grief will fade - but I still find myself crying over "silly little things" that trigger a sudden memory of furry friends no longer with me. I haven't even been able to put away the dogs leads, collars or toys, and it has been two years since they both crossed over. Someone once told me that we aren't crying for the one that is gone, because they are now free of pain, we're crying for ourselves, because we miss them. When they go, a chunk of our heart goes with them. You gave him love, and care, and he loved you with every purr. When I lost my first cat, Rusty, in 2006, after nursing him through three cancer operations, I couldn't even bring myself to look at photos of him. I have his ashes in a rosewood casket on my bedside table, so I can tell him I still love him, and I now have a beautiful photo of him as the wallpaper on this laptop so I see him 'smiling' at me every time I switch on. We're all here for you, we all understand and we all grieve with you.
Posted by: alison Posts: 6 - Joined: Tue Aug 2nd, 2011 11:12 am

#628 - by alison >> Sun Jun 8th, 2014 08:24 pm

Jodie, my heart goes out to you. There are no words. You are hurting so much right now that no matter what the circumstances were you would blame yourself for something or feel guilty for something. I had my precious Bess euthanised four years ago and felt I had let her down. In my heart of hearts I know, and always did, that I did the right and best thing for her. Whenever you think that you have felt him brush past you or think you saw him out of the corner of your eye KNOW that he is with you. Let yourself grieve, ((hugs)) Alison xx
Posted by: Jodie Posts: 4 - Joined: Sun Jun 8th, 2014 02:07 pm

#629 - by Jodie >> Sun Jun 8th, 2014 08:31 pm

Brenda: I'm sorry for your losses. I understand not wanting to move their things. I can't bring myself to look at his water dish and food bowl let alone move them away. It's like if I move them then he really will be gone. I know it's silly but I just don't have the heart to do it right now. One thing I'm very happy for is that I got to say goodbye to him. I wasn't given that chance when my kitty Havok went missing 3 years ago and I'll have Juggernauts ashes to always keep him with me. Thank you deeply for your lovely words.

Alison, you're right I would feel guilty about it no matter if the circumstances are different. It's just such a hard decision to make, and even though I know it was the best one to make for him to free him of pain I still feel selfishly sad that I won't see him anymore or get to rub his cheeks and kiss his belly. "Whenever you think that you have felt him brush past you or think you saw him out of the corner of your eye KNOW that he is with you" - this is a really beautiful way of looking at his loss and I thank you for it. I know his spirit will always be beside me and he will be waiting for me on the other side xx
Posted by: connor Posts: 3 - Joined: Sat Jan 4th, 2014 06:10 pm

#630 - by connor >> Sun Jun 8th, 2014 08:31 pm

Jodie, Its difficult to come to terms with and will be for a long time. Its three years since I lost my beautiful Connor and I think of him every day and say goodmorning and nite nite to him every day wherever I am. He is just one of many pets I have made that dreadful decision but each and every one of them left a hole in my heart. You will get through but it will take time. This site helped me so very much, the people on here are so kind and we all know what you are going through. Once again, take care, I will be thinking of you xx
Posted by: Penny Hudson Posts: 155 - Joined: Tue Mar 13th, 2012 03:35 pm

#631 - by Penny Hudson >> Sun Jun 8th, 2014 08:41 pm

Hello Jodie, Sending you hugs,. i and understanding just how you are feeling. I lost Toffee over 2 years ago and I think about her every day with so much love, and we miss her very very much. I have photos around, and even still have her little basket of toys just where they were. You gave your little boy so much love and he knew how adored he was. Illness sometimes is just too much for our precious furry angels to cope with and they want to be at rest. He will be in your heart forever, so always near you. Be gentle with yourself; you did everything you could, and he is now at peace after a loving life with you. Bless you xxxxxx
Posted by: Kay Posts: 2 - Joined: Sun Jun 8th, 2014 08:34 pm

#632 - by Kay >> Sun Jun 8th, 2014 08:43 pm

Hi Jodie so sorry to hear about your sad loss. I had to have my cat tiger put to sleep a couple of months ago and I still feel guilty now even though it was the kindest thing to do. She had been with me for eighteen years. I had her cremated and her ashes put into as wooden sleeping cat which now sits by my fire. It does get a bit easier slowly but it takes time you have just got to tell yourself she is just over the rainbow bridge waiting for you both to be reunited.keep thinking of all the happy memories that you shared and all the love and affection you both gave to each other xx

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