My Baby Boy

Posted by: Anahi Lane Posts: 3 - Joined: Fri Jun 20th, 2014 12:02 pm

#666 - by Anahi Lane >> Fri Jun 20th, 2014 12:56 pm

Hi everybody, I would like to start off by saying that I am glad someone told me about this website. On June 10th my best friend, soul mate, love of my life, became an angel, everything started on May 29th, He wasn't being himself, He usually likes to run around the house chasing his little brother, playing, and just being a little brat, but that day He didn't do none of those things, I thought he was just tired or sleepy. Few days went by and He just didn't play at all, just slept all day and ate a little bit, so I told my husband it was time to take him to the vet because I was afraid he broke a leg or his hip. On Monday June second, we took him to the vet that we used to go all the time, The doc did x-rays, blood work and she found nothing, She said he had a bit of a fever and probably he hurt a muscle, so she sent us home with pain medicine and antibiotics, she said in a week he was going to be okay, if not to give her a call. On Friday June 6th, He started not to eat at all, just sleep, mean while I gave him his favorite treats and He ate a little bit, then Saturday, Sunday, and Monday He got worse, so I called the vet on Monday and told her what was going on, She told me to bring him again so She could give him another check up, by then I didn't trust her at all, so I decided to take my baby to another vet. Tuesday June 10th I went at 8 in the morning to the other vet, the new doctor did the Feline Leukemia test and the FVI test and they came negatives, by then she suggested us to leave him in the hospital for 3 days so they get him back into shape and do a deep blood test exam. three hours later She gave us a call saying she found lymphoma on his blood and that He only had less than 2 months to live, She suggested to put him to sleep. My husband and I had had a talk about that decision. We just didn't want to see him suffering so we went on and did it. I feel so guilty right now, I am mad at myself, mad at life, heart broken, hurt, angry, I don't know if I made the right decision, I miss my baby so much, I wish I could have him back, I cry and cry, I feel sad because his brother is now without a friend to play, I even went to the point of hurting myself so I don't have feel the pain I have in my heart, I rather have physical pain than emotional pain. I cant go on without my beautiful angel, I don't know what to do anymore, I am lost, my house reminds me of him, everything I do reminds me of him, I just want him back, but I know that's impossible, please someone help me! Tell me how can I feel better? How can I let go this horrible anger I have in me, how to go on without him.
Posted by: Shailen Posts: 100 - Joined:

#667 - by Shailen >> Fri Jun 20th, 2014 02:50 pm

Hi Anahi,

Really very sorry for your loss. Things are very raw at the moment and it is very difficult. I am going to let other members of this site comment more and lend their support but I did want to say that if you have, or have felt like, physically harmed yourself due to the grief then that sounds like a situation that you should reach out for other types of support as well. I am not sure where you are based but you can ring the Pet Bereavement Support Service whose details are at the link below. There are also links to some pet bereavement counsellors on this site or you could also consider speaking to your primary care doctor about support. It is obviously up to you but sometimes we need support when grieving that goes beyond people online.

Shailen (Ralph Site)
Shailen (The Ralph Site founder)
Posted by: Sharon Thorley Posts: 11 - Joined: Thu Apr 24th, 2014 07:08 pm

#668 - by Sharon Thorley >> Fri Jun 20th, 2014 06:59 pm

Anahi,I am so sorry you have lost your special cat. What was his name? We all totaly understand your loss. Life is so very unfair a times isn't it? He was clearly very poorly & you loved him so didn't let him suffer any longer. We know the pain you are feeling can sometimes feel unbearable as we have all felt like you do. I can speak from experience that it can all start to have a negative impact on other areas of your life & ever changing emotions can affect those closest to you & that is when it's maybe time to speak to an experienced grief loss counsellor. I don't think anything anyone says at the moment will make you feel even the slightest bit better. I know I won't be the only one to say this but PLEASE seek other support as soon as you can as well as on here. You don't deserve to feel like you do. You have a husband & your angel baby's brother needs you as he will also be feeling the loss & missing him too.
Keep posting as often as you can to let us know how you are getting on. Will be thinking of you.
Take care.xx
Posted by: Anahi Lane Posts: 3 - Joined: Fri Jun 20th, 2014 12:02 pm

#669 - by Anahi Lane >> Sat Jun 21st, 2014 03:10 am

Thank you Shailen and Sharon Thorley for the kindness!

I have thought about going back to my doctor for him to prescribe me antidepressants, I was on them last year but I didn't like the feeling, so I went off them, I was doing good until this happened. The reason I cant accept my baby's death is because it was all the sudden, He was a strong healthy cat who didn't get sick at all, He was never in the hospital because he never did anything silly to hurt himself, I say this because his brother has been many times at the vet because he always does silly things to hurt himself, anyway I thought my boy was going to be with me for a long time, but I was so wrong. Another reason why I am so beyond hurt is because He was also my first pet, I never had animals when I was little, my dad was the type he didn't like pets to I never did, but funny because now that my parents are old I gifted them a dog 4 years ago, his name is Forrest and He is spoil rotten by them.

The first week was horrible, there was no hour, minute, day, I didn't cry, I even thought how I am not drying up due to too much crying, then 3 days ago I started to feel a bit better but I get moment when I am so angry, sad, hurt and I start crying again, when I told you I hurt myself, that happened two days ago, I had to punch the wall so hard to not feel so much pain in my hard that I thought I broke a bone, but I didn't, just bruise my knuckles but I am fine, that's as far as I will go.

On Monday we are going to pick up my baby's ashes, I have already a nice furniture piece that I will put his ashes, a framed picture of him and flowers, because He loved flowers, I guess knowing he is coming back home gives me a little bit of peace, but I would do the impossible to have him back alive and healthy, never to leave each others side.

I have a bit of a problem and Id like some advice, his brother the first week used to look for him a lot, bow it has gone way less but he became so needy, He also wouldn't use their cat tree and doesn't go on the window like he used to when his brother was here, They also have their own room with cat toys, cat tree, a bed and more toy, he didn't go there at the beginning but now He does, I was just wondering, how can I make him go back to his cat tree that is in the living room and the window, he cries if I try to put him there. I also give him a lot of attention but that is making him act very bratty, and if we step outside for a little bit he cries, I just don't know what to do anymore.
Posted by: Sharon Thorley Posts: 11 - Joined: Thu Apr 24th, 2014 07:08 pm

#670 - by Sharon Thorley >> Sat Jun 21st, 2014 10:00 am

Morning Anahi. I'm glad you have come back & opened up at bit more to us. What we are here for & always will be. Until anyone who has been through what we have it's very hard for people to know how to respond to our tears & anger, but our words are always genuine.
I know medication isn't nice but at least talk it through with your doctor? let him know how you are feeling. A short course may just get you through this very difficult time. Do whatever you can to get you through. Doesn't have to be forever. Only you an make that decision though.
Like you I was never allowed a pet as a child & often wonder if it's why I'm finding it very difficult to move forward. The pain of losing a beautiful pet is like nothing else & when you think there are no more tears left, they start again.
You are doing better than you think to have decided where & how to put your baby boys ashes when he comes home on Monday.
Don't forget he will always be in your heart & no one can take those memories away.
I can't give you any advice on his brothers behaviour I'm sorry as I've no experience of having to deal with another pet after the loss of another in the same house. As we know pets are very sensitive to our emotions & he can probably sense your sadness & he will obviously know that his brother is not around & is probably confused. Hope someone else can help you with this.
Just give each other the love you both need at the moment regardless of how it makes him act.
Take it one day at time & I bet he will settle down over the next few weeks.
Sending you all lots of hugs.xx

Posted by: Shailen Posts: 100 - Joined:

#671 - by Shailen >> Sat Jun 21st, 2014 06:51 pm

Hi Anahi,

I completely agree with Sharon's great advice. With respect to his brother, you do have to find a balance in how you treat him. Other pets in the house grieving is really quite common but as far as I can tell from my communications with pet carers over the years, in most cases the other pets do settle down and move on in time, usually a few days to a few weeks. We generally recommend trying to maintain their routine as much as possible and being attentive but not over-doing it because it can make their behaviour change for the worse. What I would say about him using the cat tree is that to be honest I would really try not to emphasise that. If he does not want to at the moment, he does not want to and not using it is not doing him any harm. I don't think you should try to make him. Personally I would just leave it where it is and see what unfolds in time. Even if he never wants to use it again, maybe that is just part of his grieving process and it would not be right to my mind to try and force him.

Hope that helps.

Take care.
Shailen (The Ralph Site founder)
Posted by: Anahi Lane Posts: 3 - Joined: Fri Jun 20th, 2014 12:02 pm

#672 - by Anahi Lane >> Wed Jun 25th, 2014 01:44 am

Thank you so much for your advice guys! I am letting (Bombi) him do what he thinks is best for him at the moment, all I do is give him all my attention and love, because I know that will get us through this hard time.

Yesterday I went to pick up my baby's ashes, I have to say it gave me a piece of mind knowing he is back home and for some miracle reason I feel so much better, all I can think is that He is happy being back home with us and by me feeling better is a way for him to let me know its okay, now I have his ashes to kiss every morning and night, funny because He didn't like kisses when he was alive, he hated them but I would grab him and kiss him anyway. I miss him terribly but now I can remember the good and happy times without crying, I know now and then I will cry but would be good tears of love, because all those years of joy and happiness he gave me.

By the way Sharon, you asked me what was my angel's name and I never answered you that, well here is the story how He got his name.

Seven years ago my ex boyfriend and I went to PetSmart just to check things out, we weren't planning on getting a pet because in the apartment we used to live they didn't allow animals, anyway They had tons of cats and dogs there but "Gerome" that was his name on the paper that was on his kernel, He looked very sad because he just got fixed, He wasn't a kitten, He was about a year old already, so we decided to adopt him, we took him home that evening and he loved it, but still was having troubles, we took him to the vet the next say and he had an upper respiratory infection, so He got treated for that, ear mice, fleas, microship and some other stuff I cant remember, we got home and the ex bf decided to name him Sid, but I never got around to call him that name because he was my baby! after a month of having him, I broke up with my ex bf and I took my baby with me of course, since then we become inseparable, He was there for me and I was there for him. He came into my life at the right time I needed him and for that I am happy. Anyway after a few years I met my husband, so he started to call him baby boy, so that's how he got his name "Baby Boy" but he got nothing about being a baby, in fact He ruled the house and sometimes I would tell him that he was the king of the house, because He acted like one, he was always so majestic, he was the leader, that's why Bombi my other cat is kinda lost without his brother.

In the future I will adopt another cat, to keep my Bombi company but first I need to heal so I can love again.
Posted by: Debbie Gates Posts: 2 - Joined: Tue Sep 2nd, 2014 10:07 pm

#700 - by Debbie Gates >> Tue Sep 2nd, 2014 10:13 pm

OH MY DEAR the pain your feeling is not exclusive, i'm in agony right now. we had to choose the keep fighting the cancerous tumor that was tormenting our sweet dog who was only 5. We only found out a month ago he'd been fighting himself silently for maybe two years! We couldn't do it anymore to our angel on aug. 27th we gave him to
God his pain is over mine has begun! Just know the anger and guilt and terrible sadness will get easier Maybe not right yet for you and i but it will. Keep talking to anyone that will listen and crying if you need to, they knew we loved them let remember that. My heart is with you God bless

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