I Cant stop crying

Posted by: julie king Posts: 14 - Joined: Sun Jun 22nd, 2014 09:33 am

#679 - by julie king >> Mon Jul 14th, 2014 12:39 pm

It has now been 5 weeks and 3 days since my darling Tokyo Boo went off to Rainbow Bridge, Angelised. Not a day has gone by since his passing that I haven't cried. I think it was the way he passed, run over by some person going too fast in a quite residential street. They left him in the middle of the road to die alone. My sweet darling, how dare they.... He wasn't just a ragdoll cat, to me, he was my heart and soul, my youngest child. The fact that he had four legs, fur and tail was completely irrelevant. I am consumed with remorse, I should have bought him in, or 5 seconds later, the car would have missed him.... I really miss being able to pick him up, to feel the warm softness of his fur against my face. The way he used to smile when I stroked him and smother him with "furry" kisses. His head butts in greeting me. If he wasn't in the mood for all of this he used to walk backwards to avoid me. I miss the way he did his little bum wriggle before he pounced on something. I miss the way his ears would prick up if he heard his crinkle ball being rattled. I miss the way he would sit on anything, no board games would be able to take place in my house, because as soon as you got them out he was there ready to join in, straight in the middle of the board. If you moved him, he would be back... Then he was my furry little fart bucket; I loved him. If he wanted something, he would never meow or mither, he would simply sit on the floor and stare. I couldn't sleep without him on my bed. I would do anything to have him back. I try and seek solace in the fact that he is up in the sky with my oldest son, Joshua, my daughter's twin brother, now 22, whom I know will be taking good care of him. I do have his ashes, they are in a picture frame from the crematorium. I cry when I look at his picture, I cry when I think about him. I really cant seem to move on.... I do have Simba, he is now 11 months old, he also is a ragdoll whom was very poorly when he came into my life, only 9 days after the passing of Tokyo Boo. He is now all mended and running round getting himself into mischief. However, I am finding myself working out things to stop Simba from coming to the dreadful fate as my baby boy did, and I am feeling so so guilty, because I SHOULD have done them for my sweet boy then he would have still been with me. My family think I need to see a doctor, I don't think they understand... My love for Tokyo Boo run deeper than any ocean.
Posted by: susan pocklington Posts: 1 - Joined: Sat Jul 12th, 2014 11:41 pm

#680 - by susan pocklington >> Tue Jul 15th, 2014 07:51 pm

So sorry to hear how yor feeling its making me cry reading your sad story, It's only a week today we had to have our dog Naz put to sleep and I cry every day,I know with my last little chap Dexter who died 3 yrs ago I was months before I started to feel ok, we love them and it's hard not having them with us. Love to you at such a sad time x x x x
Posted by: julie king Posts: 14 - Joined: Sun Jun 22nd, 2014 09:33 am

#681 - by julie king >> Wed Jul 16th, 2014 10:35 am

Hi Susan, I am so sorry for your loss of Naz and previously your little Dexter. It is absolutely dreadful when our fur babies go on to be Angelised at Rainbow Bridge. The pain we feel only reflects how much we really did and do still love them. And you're right it really is incredibly hard not having them with us. I felt what I thought was little Simba jump on my bed last night, but Simba must have been asleep in my daughter's room. So I guess, it was my beautiful darling baby boy Tokyo Boo coming to bed with me. It was great and I felt happier than I have in a long time. Healing love to you with your loss. Take Care xxxx
Posted by: Penny Hudson Posts: 155 - Joined: Tue Mar 13th, 2012 03:35 pm

#682 - by Penny Hudson >> Thu Jul 17th, 2014 12:02 am

Hi Julie, I do feel and share your sadness; I think to lose our precious furry babies is heartbreaking and so hard to accept and come to terms with. My darling tortie cat Toffee was pts 3 years this December and I still cry for her; she understood me and was my life! I have not been able to get another cat, because I still feel so full of grief. I feel her around me as I know you feel Tokyo Boo ; they don't leave you as their closeness is always around you. I have photos all around the house and her little basket of toys is still in the same place. She is buried under the garden seat and her little grave covered in summer flowers; the seat has a little memorial plaque. Surround yourself with Tokyo Boo and in time although the sadness still remains you will enjoy looking at pictures and remembering his little ways We are all here for you. This site has been so supportive to me and I have made some wonderful friends, all sharing in the loss of their special furry babies. Bless you and Hugs xxxxx
Posted by: Sharon Thorley Posts: 11 - Joined: Thu Apr 24th, 2014 07:08 pm

#689 - by Sharon Thorley >> Thu Jul 17th, 2014 08:02 am

Hello Julie. Sorry I haven't replied before now. I saw your post a couple of days ago & have been thinking about you. It's just so awful to lose a dear pet however it happens. For someone to leave Tokyo Boo as they did is just horrendous for him & you. I can't imagine how that feels as it was so needless,but I fully understand how you are feeling emotionally regarding his loss.We all do.
I think it's hard for our families as we expect them to want to talk about our loss as much as we do,but a lot of people don't know how to deal with or react to another persons grief,especially when it's a pet that we have lost. I believe like you, that it's totally irrelevant that they have four legs & fur. They are our babies & a loss is a loss.
5 weeks is nothing so don't expect too much of yourself too soon.I remember my first post at 7 weeks when,like you,I wasn't coping at all. It will be 18 weeks this weekend since we lost our beautiful bunny Rascal & I still cry for her. It's just so sad. But it is getting slightly easier.Think I've just come to accept that I will always cry at some point & will always, always love & miss her with all of my heart.We talk to her & about her every day & have so many wonderful memories that can never be taken away.
I think we have all wished we had made a different decision & thought 'if only...',-but we can't change that however much we want to.
Like Tokyo Boo, Simba sounds a little character & obviously you don't want to lose him too. See how well you have done looking after him & restoring him to full health as well as trying to deal with your grief.
I have no doubt it was Tokyo Boo on your bed comforting you. Keep his memory in your heart & that precious feeling with you & know he is still being well loved & looked after.
Julie, you have already suffered the most imaginable loss that no one can even begin to understand what that was like. My heart goes out to you.
You will also get through this & we are all here for you however long it takes.
Bless you, Tokyo Boo,Simba & your dear family.xx

Posted by: julie king Posts: 14 - Joined: Sun Jun 22nd, 2014 09:33 am

#693 - by julie king >> Mon Jul 21st, 2014 11:31 am

Hi Sharon, Penny and Susan. Thank you so much for your kind words/thoughts. I have come to the conclusion that I, like yourselves will always be sad when I think of my baby. I miss every thing about him. Im not sure the guilt will go away. I do pray that one day we will meet again and I can once again hold him in my arms once more.

I did go to the doctor in the end. In fact I was incredibly surprised on how understanding he was. He has prescribed anti depressants and is monitoring me to see how I am coping.

Simba is now getting used to his harness and lead and he can be very entertaining. He still incredibly small for his age. His fur is beginning to grow longer like a ragdoll. It will take some time because of the complete lack of nutrition he had before he came to me. He had a dreadful food allergy and nothing he ate stayed in. It was all sorted out within a week of me having him. 2 trips to the vet was all it took. He went 10 months prior to me. It makes me so mad that he suffered all that time for no reason. I am sure my Tokyo Boo led me to him. Toksie knew I would get him well.

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