Feeling heartbroken after losing my dog

Posted by: Admin Posts: 64 - Joined: Wed Jun 8th, 2011 01:05 am

#1235 - by Admin >> Sun Feb 4th, 2018 02:32 pm

So sorry to hear this. The Ralph Site community is full of others who understand this pain. Please share more about him/her with us if you would like to.

The Ralph Site Admin
Posted by: Olisue Posts: 2 - Joined: Sat Feb 3rd, 2018 04:43 pm

#1236 - by Olisue >> Sun Feb 4th, 2018 04:33 pm

Sorry, maybe I didn’t save my post properly. This is what I mean to post:

My beautiful Cavalier King Charles Spaniel, Heidi, was put to sleep yesterday afternoon. I’m really struggling to come to terms with her loss. She was 10 years old, and we got her 2 years ago from a rescue centre. She had been used as a breeding dog all her life and was handed over to the centre by the breeder when she was no more use to them.

For the last 20 months she has lived with me, my husband, our 2 other dogs and 2 cats. She settled in well and seemed to love being part of our family. She particularly loved me, and became very attached to me. She was never more than a few feet away from me and always had one eye on what I was doing.

When we got her we found out that she had a heart murmur and our vet put her on heart meds. Until Wednesday 31st January she was her normal self, full of life and love. Then on Wednesday morning she came in through the dog flap absolutely covered in mud. In the winter our garden gets really boggy and the rain doesn’t drain away very well. She looked like she had been wallowing in the mud! I had woken up in a bad mood and when I saw her sitting on the sofa covered in mud I’m sorry to say I shouted at her, took her upstairs for a bath.

A couple of hours later Heidi vomited, then shortly after that she went outside and she had really watery diarrhoea with blood in it. I took her to the vets and they said she might have a stomach bug and gave me antibiotics and medicine to help the diarrhoea.

The following day (Thursday) she was no better and still pooping blood so we went back to the vets. This time they were very concerned and put her on IV fluids and oxygen. A few hours later she had perked up so we brought her home.

She spent the whole night in my bedroom with me and neither of us slept a wink. She was pacing and groaning all night. The next day (Friday) I phoned the vet and they asked us to take her in straight away.
Once the vet saw her he told us that she was dying, her whole body was shutting down, her breathing was laboured and her eyes were darting around. So we said our goodbyes and held her while she was euthanised.

The vets thinks that because of her weak heart, her body couldn’t cope with the diarrhoea, vomiting and loss of appetite.

I can’t stop thinking that I caused this by shouting at her when she had been in the mud. Maybe the stress triggered it. My husband disagrees and says I should stop blaming myself, but I can’t.

I’m not here looking for reassurance that I didn’t cause this, but I just can’t get my head around losing her so suddenly. I absolutely adored her and I’m so cross with myself for getting angry with her over something so trivial.

Thanks for reading and sorry for the long post, I just feel the need to share my story. I miss her so much.
Posted by: Merlins mum Posts: 7 - Joined: Tue Sep 5th, 2017 03:58 pm

#1237 - by Merlins mum >> Sun Feb 4th, 2018 06:57 pm

Hello Olisue
Please accept my condolences on the loss of your Cavalier-they are very special little dogs.
My Merlin also was euthanased due to the sudden worsening of his Mitra valve disease after exactly a year of treatment.
That was almost six months ago-grief takes time. There is no need to feel guilty for shouting at her. She knows she was loved and I am sure her time with you was the best of her life. I still miss Merlin-I talk to him every day. Be kind to yourself and try to remember the good times you enjoyed with her. I really feel for you, Sending you hugs and I will be thinking of you.
Posted by: Olisue Posts: 2 - Joined: Sat Feb 3rd, 2018 04:43 pm

#1238 - by Olisue >> Sun Feb 4th, 2018 11:09 pm

Aw thank you for those lovely words Minelda, I feel like I’ve lost a limb without my little faithful friend. I’m lucky that I have my other 2 dogs, I think they are a bit bewildered by all the extra hugs and kisses they have been getting since Heidi passed away! MVD is such a cruel condition and affects so many Cavaliers. Part of me wouldn’t rescue another Cav for this reason, but then i think about what amazing dogs they are and maybe its worth all the grief and stress to see those beautiful eyes everyday. Thanks once again for replying xx
Posted by: Michelle Ball Posts: 66 - Joined:

#1241 - by Michelle Ball >> Mon Feb 5th, 2018 10:43 pm

Hello Olisue

First of all, my condolences for your very sad loss. Your love and attachment to Heidi comes across so very strongly. I can really feel from your words how much she means to you - how wonderful you 'found' each other. She had a very happy life with you.

Guilt is an awful emotion but, unfortunately, it is something we animal lovers experience as part of the grieving process - we berate ourselves for 'not doing the right thing' and that somehow we are to blame for our beloved pet's death.

Most people shout at their pets - just like their kids!- on occasions. In fact, I snapped at one of my cats this evening for chewing my bin liner resulting in litter covering my kitchen floor! Shouting at Heidi in no way contributed to her very sad demise. She was very poorly by this time and tragically reached the end of her life.

Grieving is a complex, challenging process but in time you will be left with all the wonderful memories and happy times with had with Heidi.

Take care of yourself

We are always here to support you

Michelle x

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