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I feel so lonely

Posted by: Donna Woff Posts: 2 - Joined: Mon Dec 31st, 2018 05:41 pm

#1251 - by Donna Woff >> Mon Dec 31st, 2018 06:52 pm

On the 14th December I had to have my beautiful nearly 13yr old Labrador Dexter put to sleep. He was the most intelligent, loving, wise and loyal friend I could ever hope to have. My whole life revolved around him, like where I chose to work and what hours I did, staying in or going out, not going on holidays etc. He literally was my life even though I am married. We chose to have Dexter as neither of us wanted kids ever. I just feel totally alone now and completely lost. My husband tries his best but he seems to want to go out and do things we couldn't do before and I just can't face it. I am struggling to eat even after 2 weeks and am still sleeping on the sofa where I was sleeping the week before he passed when he was ill because I wanted to keep an eye on him. I went to my parents for Christmas and took his ashes with me as my mam and dad were very close to Dexter too, and their house was like his second home as he always came with me when I stayed there. My mam still misses her dog that died around 30yrs ago so she really does understand but I was with Dexter for 13yrs and every part of my life has now changed. I find myself questioning everything, even if I still want to be with my husband as I know he was jealous of Dexter and I hate that. I don't want to go back to work but I have to ... but am not sure I even like my job now. My head is a complete mess and just don't know what to do. I just want to be alone and miserable. Sorry for rambling but I don't know who else to turn to xxx
DW
Posted by: Admin Posts: 59 - Joined: Wed Jun 8th, 2011 01:05 am

#1252 - by Admin >> Tue Jan 1st, 2019 11:17 am

Dear Donna,

I am sorry to hear of your loss. It is so very difficult. Please know that you are not alone in how you are feeling.

I hope that the information on this site will help you to start to work through things. It is still very early for you after living with Dexter for so long and it will take time. There is no timeline on this grief either.

If you are on Facebook you will find many like-minded people to support and comfort you in our private group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/theralphsite/

If you prefer to speak to someone the Blue Cross Pet Bereavement Support Service is a wonderful helpline - see their information here https://www.theralphsite.com/index.php?idPage=21.

Thinking of you,

Shailen
The Ralph Site Admin
Posted by: Michelle Ball Posts: 60 - Joined:

#1253 - by Michelle Ball >> Sun Jan 6th, 2019 04:16 pm

Dear Donna
I am so sorry to hear of your loss. Your love for Dexter comes through so strongly, I can only imagine the emotional pain you have been experiencing. I want you to know you are not alone with your grief - and although it my feel unbearable and overwhelming, this is a natural part of the grieving process. I promise you, with the passing of time, you will start to work through your grief and you will begin experiencing better days.

I have 'lost' three pets and on each occasion I've felt completely hopeless, lonely, depressed and unable to cope. It never gets any easier, and it is always an extremely painful and heart wrenching time.

I, like you, feel that no-one understands the depth of my pain and cannot possibly understand how overwhelming it feels. Grief triggers a whole host of emotions including guilt and anger, which can endure for a lengthy time - we all process grief at different rates, and often we feel like we have gained a step forward, then we take another two steps back. I believe it's accepting this, and 'going with the flow' that can help us during this time.

Your love for the wonderful Dexter will always remain strong and enduring, and you will start to experience more settled days when the happy, lovely memories start to come through all the pain and heartbreak.

I've always had to take leave from work when I have lost one of my pets (usually 1 or 2 weeks), and this is absolutely okay and completely understandable. Don't feel pressurised to return to return to work immediately. If you are concerned your employer won't understand, then just inform them that you need to take some time off due to personal circumstances, or for emotional reasons.

As Shailen says, the Blue Cross Pet Bereavement Support Service is a fantastic resource - they really helped me. As I couldn't speak over the telephone (too emotional) I used to email back and forth instead. As I live alone, I felt great support from having someone to talk to about my loss.

The Ralph Site is fantastic too (all credit to Shailen for founding it!), and there are so many people on here and on the facebook page/private group here to support and comfort you.

Take care

Michelle x
Posted by: Donna Woff Posts: 2 - Joined: Mon Dec 31st, 2018 05:41 pm

#1255 - by Donna Woff >> Mon Jan 7th, 2019 06:59 pm

Hello Michelle
thank you so so much for your kind words and sincerity. I can tell that you really do understand how I am feeling at the moment. I am so sorry for your losses too xxx
I have never experienced anything like this before. My bond with Dexter was so deep and he knew me better than anyone does. Our routine was amazing and if I forgot to do anything he would remind me in his own subtle ways.
Dexter was the one that I would go to if I was feeling low, sad or happy or celebrating...this is a time where I would have gone to him to cheer me up with his smile and quirkyness and encouraging looks.
I know tgat you are right in all that you are saying and I thank you so, so much for taking the time to reply to me, it really makes a difference even just talking to one person. Especially when you have felt the same and explain things the way you do.
I have been on the Facebook page and some of the stories are heart breaking. It is awful to know that so many people are going through or have been through the heartbreak and pain that I am. However it is comforting that we have got each other to talk to freely, knowing that someone may reply and not judge you. I feel restricted to what I can say at home and to how upset I am that I can show freely.
I went back to work last week (cried all the way there) and then felt guilty for putting a brave smile on my face and acting normal because I have to. Work was busy which helped then I cried all the way home!
I am so thankful for the Ralph site though as I feelthat I have people to talk to (Thank you so much Shailen).
Thank you so much again Michelle, I will try to focus on all you have said and not push myself too hard because I think I have to.
You are a lovely person and much appreciated.

Thank you so much
Donna & Dexter xxx❤
DW

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