New she a replacement?

Posted by: Chlo94 Posts: 1 - Joined: Fri Apr 20th, 2012 11:15 pm

#194 - by Chlo94 >> Fri Apr 20th, 2012 11:34 pm

My beloved, young little cat died in september. In january we got a new kitten. We have never had the novelty of a kitten before so it was all very fun to start with but now I can't help but just compare new cat to old cat. She was everything old cat wasnt, and i just want her back so bad, she didnt deserve to go. I sometimes get angry at new cat, and end up crying my eyes out because i miss old cat so much. Its been 7 months, when will it stop hurting?
Posted by: Shailen Posts: 100 - Joined:

#195 - by Shailen >> Sat Apr 21st, 2012 12:34 am


Unfortunately there is no set time after which it will stop hurting. It takes a different amount of time for everyone but most people do reach a point with bereavement where instead of feeling pain they are able to focus on the happy memories and smile when they remember their departed friend. Just got to keep going, stay positive, take the days and weeks one at a time.

There is also no right time to get a new friend. Some people wait for a very short period of time, others for much longer. Some people find it helps them to deal with their bereavment while for others it can worsen how they are feeling. It is very important to realise that your new cat is not a replacement for your old cat, she is a new friend, a new friend to form a new bond with. Try not to expect your new cat to be the same as the cat that you have lost, they are different personalities and thinking this way will also not help you to deal with your grief. Try to embrace your new cat wholeheartedly, enjoy her and let the bond grow. Afterall, she is a kindred spirit of your old cat and your old cat would want you to embrace her fellow kitty. The fact that you sometimes get angry is completely understandable, just try to realise that your anger should not be directed at the new kitty but rather is a manifestation of your grief at losing the old cat and anger is not a positive emotion that will help you move forward. I know it is easier said than done but slowly but surely I hope things will feel better for you.

If you feel it will help, please do contact the Pet Bereavement Support Service where trained volunteers can talk to you on the phone about how you feel and help you to move forward. Their info is here:

Thinking of you.
Shailen (The Ralph Site founder)

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