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My gorgeous Big Fella was put to sleep this evening and although he had been ill for a while I just cannot cope with the pain of my grief. I just feel overwhelmed that I did not make a fuss of him enough in the last few weeks...I knew he was deteriorating so why not spend more time with him telling him I love him and making a fuss of him? He was very thin and I know that I found it difficult stroking him and it reminded me how poorly he was. I loved him so very much and I live on my own and feel so lonely without him here. I do have 3 other cats who I love dearly but I had a special bond with Big Fella. he had such a wonderful calming nature and provided so much comfort for me when I felt very down. I don't want to eat or sleep. I feel physical pain and don't know what to do with myself. Please can anyone help me? x Michelle x

Hello Michelle, sending you loving hugs at this very sad time. My cat Toffee was diagnosed with cancer and we had her home for just a few weeks, and those last weeks are very difficult. We all look back and wished we'd done things differently; should we have done this, should we have done that, but it is part of the grieving process and everyone goes through it. Our precious animals are so much part of our lives and we form such a deep bond, and the physical pain, I know, is unbearable. I have made some very good friends on the Ralph site all grieving , and we talked and shared each others sorrows. You Big Fella knew how much you loved him Michelle, that is for certain. He is free from his pain and suffering now, and it is the ones left behind that feel the pain and suffering. Talk to people who can understand your feelings; I am always here for you. I understand completely how you are feeling and send you love and understanding. Your Big Fella will always be in your heart, so always near. Love Penny xx

Hello Penny thank you so much for your lovely kind words. It is so nice to have someone respond so quickly...I feel so lonely with this pain and grief. Big is being buried this morning and I feel awful knowing I won't see him again. I just can't imagine life without him. I am just so pleased there are people on here like you Penny who understand how I feel. I can't express just how important my cats are to me, and losing my special boy is too much to bear...lots of love Michelle xx

Hello Michelle, If I cam be of any comfort to you I am here. My darling Toffee died just over 3 years ago and we have her buried in the garden, under the garden seat where she used to sit. We have planted pretty flowers and have a little plaque on the seat in her memory. I will be thinking of you this morning when you bury Big. I have had little signs of Toffee; there is a beautiful little robin that is always lingering near the seat, and there was a little robin doing the same when we buried her; I feel it is a little sign to me that she is near me. We have lots of photos around as well all over the house. Big is with you , and as time goes on you will remember the happy times you shared with him. Please keep in touch Michelle, and anything you feel you want to say or ask please do. Lots of love Penny xxxx

So sorry to hear about your loss. I do know how you are feeling and the pain you are going through. We all feel guilt when we have to make that awful decision. I know I did, and still do. When you say you knew he was deteriorating and you ask why didn't you spend more time with him and "make a fuss of him." I think, psychologically, when we know our beloved pet is seriously ill, and we know that either stroking them or watching them deteriorate hurts us. We tend to subconsciously avoid contact or ignore it's happening. So you not stroking him was just your way of avoiding what you knew was happening, not because you didn't love him, but because you loved him so much.
We tend to, naturally, not want to believe we are losing our best friends and each time you stroked him you were reminded how thin he was and how poorly he was. It is natural. It's sort of a self defence way of not hurting. Kind of the denial feeling we get when going through the grieving process. When our pets are gradually getting more and more poorly, we know the end is coming, and sometimes we start grieving before they pass.
I lost my beautiful Jake he was deteriorating and I was told there was nothing the vet could do. There was no treatment and no cure he was going to gradually become paralysed and at the end he couldn't walk and I carried him out to the toilet. I would have carried him to the end of the earth, but he was getting worse each day. I hate to admit this, but when I woke up in the morning I dreaded seeing him. Not because I didn't care, but because I loved him so much it broke my heart seeing him deteriorate each day and struggle to walk. I felt the same way you do, I focused on too many "if only."
But guilt is such a destructive emotion it makes you depressed. I was put on anti-depressants. I know that people around you will say "You did the right thing." But you wont be feeling that. I didn't, and the amount of people who said that to me I wanted to shout at them, "Easy for you to say, he wasn't your best friend in the whole world, and I had to make the hardest decision of my life to end his life where once he had saved mine."
You have done the right thing by coming on here. Everybody understands the pain you are feeling, we have all been through all the emotions you feel. I wish you all the best and just allow yourself plenty of time to grieve.
Lots of love
Michelle xx

Hello Michelle, I can't express just how grateful I am to you and Penny for 'being there'. Your words bring comfort to me at a still very dark time. I have slept a couple of hours but I still cannot eat. I feel so hollow and beyond sad. It helps me to read and re-read your posts so at least I know others have experienced the same emotions and feelings as me, and all the physical pain too.
I have felt relief reading your words regarding my guilt around not wanting to stroke Big towards the end.....I think you are right, seeing and feeling how ill he was devastated me and I just couldn't bear seeing him like it. I just hope and pray to God that he knows how much he was - and is - loved. More than words can say. Please stay in contact Penny and Michelle xxxxx

Hi Michelle
I was the same as you unable to eat or sleep. My job suffered as I wasn't functioning properly I was just on automatic pilot I think. They know they were loved, you have to believe that. One thing that kind of helped me was looking back and knowing Jake never knew cruelty, only love. You only have to see the RSPCA adverts to know how so many animals are cruelly treated and neglected. I gave him my best and in the end that's all we can do and I'm sure your Big was spoiled rotten and had food in his belly, a bed (probably yours!) and affection and love. That, in the end, is all we can do. The only thing we are guilty of is loving them too much. If that's possible, and that's nothing to be guilty about. Sadly, our pets just don't live long enough. Give yourself time and more time. Any feelings you are having or struggling with just come on here and pour it all out. We have all been where you are.
Love Michelle xxxxxxxxxxx

Thank you so much....I will no doubt be posting more and it is wonderful to know that there is somewhere like this, with people who understand me and I can share my grief with xxxxxxxxxxx

Any time you want to talk Michelle we are here for you. There are so many different feelings we have after we lose our precious pets, and we all experience them. The main thing is that they knew how much we loved them and we did everything we could; when Toffee was diagnosed with cancer i felt as if the bottom of my world had fallen out, and those last few weeks at home with her were sad but precious. I didn't rush to move her things; her little basket of toys is still in the same place as it always was; the other morning I was woken up by something jumping on the bed; nothing was there, but I am sure a little sign to say "I'm still around". Take care; cry if you need to, and do what you feel you want to do. Speak soon. Love, Penny xxxx

I am so sorry to hear of your loss. I truly do know how you feel at losing wonderful Big Fella. The pain is unimaginable. I lost my wonderful TC 6 months ago, and I still dream and think of him every day. He died of pancreatitis at the age of only 5. And he was the most loving, playful, and kind cat you could ever imagine. He was part of my every day and he made me as happy as I know I made him. Although I have 3 other cats, and I dearly love them all. He was the special one. I feel so terribly guilty that I did not pick up on his illness sooner and perhaps he could have been saved! But there is nothing I can do now to bring him back, although I would sell my house and live on the streets if I could! I really dont think the pain will ever go away but I try to remember the good times. I put his photo close to me, and have bought a memorial to place in the garden where he was buried! I guess acceptance of a situation that cannot be changed is the best I can hope for at the moment, and I cherish every moment I have with my other fur babies! You loved Big Fella so much, and he would have known that, and you spent as much time as you could with him. Grief is normal, our pets are part of our family and we should not feel guilty about our grief, it proves how much we love them. I am sure in time the grief will ease, but you must allow yourself time, and please remember, there are many of us who feel exactly the same as you. We are all here for you if you need us. Take care. And RIP little baby Big Fella. xxxx

Thank you Penny and Vanessa...again it has been a very difficult and raw day. The sense of panic and pain often feels too much to bear. Unfortunately, I am a sufferer of depression and Big brought me such a sense of calm.....just by looking at him I found inner peace for the moment.
Although I have got a snippet of his fur in my drawer and I am waiting for his ashes, I couldn't bear to see any of his fur etc around the place. I felt compelled to hoover twice and wash clothes, mats etc and wipe down furniture. Is this normal, I feel so guilty having done it but I had too......
I am still feeling distraught that I didn't spend 1 to 1 time with Big as I should in the time leading up to his passing. Even on the day I took him to the vets I was doing chores etc...why didn't I accept I should have spent my time quietly with him and not hovering, dusting etc etc????
Sorry to go on...just so hard. xxxxxxx

It is always easy to look back at the things we think we should have said or done when a loved one passes. I think this is only natural. The point is, The fact you are thinking this shows how very much you loved him and that should be comfort in itself. Like I said, every day is still a painful chore to me. But both you and I still have a furry family who need and care for us. So many pets sadly never have the love we give to ours, so try to remember what a good kind person you are, and darling Big Fella was very lucky to have found you, and you were very lucky to have found him! Sadly, a cats life is never long enough, but we do what we can to make that short time as happy as possible and you gave him a very loving home which should make you feel better, and you both loved each other very much. I also suffer from depression, and sometimes I wonder why I have cats since I know they will not live very long, however the love we bring into each others life is surely reward enough, and worth all the heart ache. Please dont feel alone, I cry every day for my TC. But one day the pain will ease, he will never be forgotten, but it will be easier to remember all the good times. If you need to talk, we are always here. xxxxx

Hello Michelle, You are in my thoughts. I too suffer with depression, and I do understand all your feelings. The feeings you have are what we all have gone through, so you are not alone. Grief goes through different stages, and it is a hard struggle. There is not a day goes by when I don't suffer sadness from the loss of Toffee after three years, but the gift of love and joy she gave us is something my husband and I will never forget. I haven't had another cat since, but am now hoping to do some fostering for a local rescue centre. Take care of yourself; do not feel any guilt; you did everything you could for your precious Big Fella. I have found this site incredible over the dark days; such lovely people all suffering sadness like you., and comforting words from such kind people . Always here for you Michelle. Love, Penny xx

Hi Michelle
You say that the day he was going to be put to sleep you did your chores etc. And feel guilty for doing so. Please don't. The morning I knew I was having my Jake put to sleep I behaved normally around him, I did chores too. The reason I did this was because if I had behaved differently towards him and acted unnaturally around him, he would have picked up on it, and sense that something wasn't right. So my usual routine carried on that morning. Obviously, I couldn't have cared less if my home was clean but I didn't want him to think "Hang on why's my mum being different today, something's wrong." And as for hoovering etc. afterwards, the first thing I did was throw his bed out. I too have some of his hair, I still can't look at it though. Whether Bigs fur is there or not, it doesn't make any difference, you don't need to see his fur to remember him. You will always have him in your heart. I became so depressed as I have said. I work as a nurse and have nursed many people in end of life care, and even though I have compassion and care about the patients I look after, losing Jake hurt me more than I ever thought possible. With people we can explain the situation, with animals we just hope we are doing the right thing. It is the ultimate in love to stop our pets from suffering and allow them to be released from their pain and discomfort. I know it wont feel like that to you right now. But I have lost count of how many of my patients who are suffering from a painful terminal illness and know they are dying, say "If I was an animal I would be put to sleep, animals are lucky." I'm not getting into the ethical debate on right to die, but nobody should die in pain and misery. We do for our pets what we know will hurt us to save their suffering. That is the ultimate in love. I can't believe I am giving advice about pet bereavement , when I first came on here devastated, I wanted to end my life. That's how bad I felt. I just wanted to be with him. The pain was/is physical and emotional. I'm not over Jake, I have his ashes and pictures of him everywhere. I wear a locket with some of his ashes in, I talk to him as though he's still around. I sound insane don't I? ! But everybody has their own way of dealing with grief and it's an individual thing. If you want to hoover and get rid of Bigs things do so. They are just that, "things." What you will always have are memories and a knowledge you loved him, cared for him and he knew that. Otherwise knowing cats, he would have moved in with somebody else! My friend has ended up with a cat that has appeared from nowhere and just adopted her, they know where they are wanted and loved. So you do what your heart tells you to. We are all here to offer support.
Love Michelle xxxxxxxxxxxx

I can't thank you all - Penny, Vanessa and Michelle enough.....I just don't know how I would get through this otherwise. I didn't go to bed last night and have slept on and off all day. I do not have any one close by who really "gets" the depth of my despair and loss, however much they try and be supportive. If it wasn't for this site I don't know what I would have done.
I had to ring my health worker yesterday as I had such severe panic and intense emotional pain I was self harming to cope with it. It is like I feel it is somehow disrespectful to darling Big if I recover and come to terms with his passing.....like I am betraying our love? I know it sounds strange.
Thank you so so much Michelle for your wise words and sharing your experiences (you too Penny and Vanessa). I also fed suicidal Tuesday night and during those unbearable episodes yesterday.
I am so happy I have been very fortunate to have met such lovely supportive (and very wise) people on here. I cannot express my gratitude enough. Please stay in touch xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Hello Michelle, I am so sorry that you are experiencing such distressing feelings of panic and emotional pain. I know the feeling of despair and send you hugs and prayers. I will always be here Michelle; have stayed up tonight as like to have a time of quiet and to share the posts I receive on f/book. Unfortunately not everyone understands the depth of feelings we have for our pets, and it is so comforting to share thoughts and feelings with people who do understand. I found that when I first came on to the Ralph Site; people were like me; desperate, grieving and so many questions I needed answered. Our animals don't hurt us, they give us love and kindness; they don't worry if our hair is in a mess, if we have not bothered to dress up; just unconditional love! I hope you are managing to get some sleep tonight; I know you have just been on here; try to get some sleep and I am sure your doctor would help you if you are finding you are not coping with things. We are here for you Michelle to support and love you through these dark and sad days, so keep in touch and your precious Big is always with you and around you; the love you shared was so deep he is in your heart forever. Bless you. Love, Penny xxxx

Please Michelle do not ever think of suicide. You always have us to talk to! It is not what Big Fella would want! I feel so low about T.C. But harming myself will not bring him back. And if it is possible to re unite in the afterlife, then the time will come and he will be waiting for me, but don't ever bring that time forward, because it is not the solution. You have other pets that need you, and they would be lost without you! I am truly gutted and struggle through every day without my TC, so I truly do understand the pain, it is like losing a child. Your pain is very real and nothing to feel stupid about. But it will ease in time, I feel sure. Here always, Vanessa xxxxx

Hi Michelle
Vanessa is right, harming yourself is not the answer. I did think about it myself so I do know how you are feeling. There are many ways we self harm, apart from what people think like cutting or overdoses. We can self harm in other ways by not eating, not sleeping or drinking too much. In my case, I was already on anti-depressants as I knew Jake was deteriorating. And when he passed I stopped taking my tablets as I found I couldn't drink with them, and I would be physically ill the next day. So, in my stupid logic, I stopped taking the tablets so I could get totally smashed every night I was off work. I work night shifts, and I would sit on my night off knocking back a bottle or more of vodka and sleep until it was time to go to work the next night. Did it make me feel better? Did I cope with the grief better? No. It just blocked it out for a few hours and I say sleep, more like a drunken stupor. I looked awful and my work suffered. I remember a patient being quite obnoxious to me, where usually it would be water off a ducks back, I shouted back at them and said "I have just had my dog put down, please yourself what you do, go home if you want!" It was me that was sent home by my ward sister and told to take time off. The thing with grief is, we can't delay it til later, we can't go round it or over it, we have to go through it, as painful as it is we have to feel the pain. No amount of self harming will hurt as much as losing our beloved pets. It really will get easier, you have to hold on to that. I'm not saying you will never cry over Big again, of course you will, but as Vanessa says you have other cats to take care of, and in the end they will help you through. Animals know when we are sad, and I'm sure they are missing Big too. Please don't harm yourself it just makes you feel worse, imagine how you are feeling now, multiply it by a hundred, that's all self harming does, makes everything harder and worse to deal with.
Take care and we are always here
Michelle xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Hi Michellle
We haven't heard anything from you for a couple of days. I hope you are ok. Keep in touch we have all gone through this.
Michelle xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Yes, I also agree with Michelle storey in hoping all is ok with you Michelle, Remember, we really do care. xxxxxx

Hi, thank you for staying in contact and posting to see how I am...I've felt so low past couple of days that getting up has been a real struggle. I just want to stay in bed. Apart from missing my lovely boy, I feel very angry and I don't to speak to anyone.
I did text a so-called friend on Thursday to let her know what had happened. I was supposed to be seeing her after 12pm on Friday but I was so upset I didn't leave home until 2.30pm. I texted to say I was on my way and she sent a rude text back saying not to bother and we would re-arrange. I text her back and asked her why she sounded annoyed. I then had a bit of a rant at her saying that she knew I was down before Christmas and didn't even bother to get in contact with me despite her knowing I live alone and don't really have anyone close in my life.
She replied stating she was going to "turn her phone off" as she wasn't going to "entertain" it! I had been frank but not at all rude. It just reinforces how isolated I feel and how I have no one close to help me. I had told her in my text I had been suicidal and she didn't even acknowledge it. I haven't heard from her today, which again, tells me she is no friend.
Nobody apart from you ladies on here (Michelle, Vanessa and Penny) seem to understand and show any love and kindness to me...........feel so down :( xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Hello Michelle, Have been thinking about you and wondering how you are. I have been out for the day and have just got home. I am sorry at the lack of support you have had from your friend; you need your friends at times like this, but unfortunately not everyone is understanding. I am sorry you feel so isolated; have you any family near? Unfortunately this time of year is not good for getting out and about; such miserable weather, and getting out would do you good. We are all here for you Michelle and I see that Michelle and Vanessa were wondering how you were. Please keep in touch and talk through your feelings Michelle; hugs and love, Penny xxxx

Hi again Michelle,
Sometimes its hard to find people who truly understand how depressing losing a pet is! As you know, Michelle, Penny and myself all fully appreciate your feelings. Grief is a terriible thing! I take every day as it comes, I never know how bad I am going to feel from day to day,. but I struggle through for the sake of my other furry ones, they are a great comfort to me! People come and go, but animals are loyal! But do remember we all care about you on here, and please keep us in touch with how you are doing. Sending you a big hug xxxxx

Hi Michelle
I'm glad you have come back on here. It is hard for some people to understand how devastating losing a pet is. No offence, but your "friend" doesn't seem to be a good friend. If she was, she would be there for you not knocking her phone off saying she wont "entertain it." That's the last thing you need at the moment. I also live on my own and I know how isolated it can feel. If you don't have any family -like me- are there any neighbours nearby who have had cats or other pets, and have lost them? I know it's a bit different when you lose a dog, not in the pain way, it's just as horrific, but you tend to meet people while taking them for a walk and you kind of get to know some of them. And many times other dog owners have lost other dogs in the past, so they will talk and offer their experiences. There could be somebody near you who has been through what you're going through.
I can't understand your "friend" it may sound a bit harsh, but you can do without somebody who cannot feel any empathy towards you and what you're going through. I had a bit of that attitude from so called friends who expected me to be over losing my boy after a couple of weeks. People were saying "oh, she should be over it by now." It just doesn't work like that, it's been over a year and I still cry, I think about him all the time, I watch other German Shepherds on the beach and think "No, they aren't as good looking as Jake!" But I also think to myself, "I don't really envy you" It wasn't that long ago that Jake ran like the wind after a ball and a couple of years later he couldn't walk at all. Every person who owns a pet, has to at some point go through what we are all going through on here. Some people will brush it off easily, others like us remain devastated and full of unnecessary guilt and "if only's" So instead of this person who lacks any understanding about what you're going through, just come on here. The pain isn't going to disappear in a couple of weeks or months. It's one day at a time, one hour at a time, the pain will ease in time, you have to believe that. You will still cry and think about him, but you will gradually find each day very slowly, improving a bit. Not at the moment as it's still very raw in your mind, but in time. It's a cliche I know, but that's why it's a cliche, because it's true. The only light at the end of the tunnel of grief is time. So instead of spending your time with people who have no understanding of what you are going through, just come on here.
Lots of love
Michelle xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Hi Michelle (Ball),

I am sorry to read about your troubles at the moment, it is so very difficult. Penny, Michelle and Vanessa are doing a wonderful and kind job of trying to support you for which I am also very grateful and I hope that this will continue for as long as you need.

Sometimes when the grief becomes too overwhelming people can start to be affected in a more serious medical way that needs some more professional help. I often recommend that people start by talking to the kind trained volunteers at the free Pet Bereavement Support Service: http://www.theralphsite.com/index.php?idPage=21.

You may also find benefit from consulting a pet bereavement counsellor which you can either organise yourself or speak to your doctor or health worker that you mentioned before about arranging some bereavement counselling for you. There are some links for counsellors here: http://www.theralphsite.com/index.php?idPage=22.

Please know that you should not feel silly or embarrassed for reaching out for help here and beyond this site. The grief from pet loss can be devastating and is nothing to feel silly about. Many people do not understand how or why it can be so painful, but many people like us do. The most important thing is that you get the help you need to keep you physically safe while your heart and head learn to cope with and progress through the loss of Big Fella.

Take care,
Shailen

Hello Michelle, Haven't heard from you; do keep in touch. Thinking about you. Xx Penny xx

Hi Michelle, We are all hoping all is o.k with you. xxxxx

Hello everyone, sorry I haven't been on here for a while, and thank-you for your on-going support....you are all so kind and compassionate as usual. I am still feeling very low but returned to work yesterday afternoon. As soon as I walked through the front gate I burst into tears. One of the women asked if I'd like a cup of tea which I accepted but I didn't talk about Big. Got through rest of shift somehow but mind all over the place.
I had awful nightmares last night; I dreamt it was night time and Big was outside rolling around on the road. I was in bed in my dream but remember saying in the dream to my Dad that Big was outside in the road and I wanted to get him in. The next thing is that my Dad is shouting to me how Big is in the road and it is very dangerous and he will try and get him in. Somehow (in the dream) I cannot get out of the bed to get Big in and have to rely on my Dad, who is unable to get him in, so Big remains rolling around on the road (if he smelt something nice to him outside, he would roll around in it). I woke up very very distressed and tearful.
I had to go to the supermarket and just not seeing him in the window on my return is heartbreaking.....I wish I had someone close by who I could talk with. Please don't get me wrong, Michelle, Penny and Vanessa, you are all a God send but I don't have friends or family. My Dad trys to help but he hasn't phoned for a few days and it frustrates him if I go on about Big. That so-called "friend" I mentioned in my last post has not got in contact despite me telling her at the time I had felt suicidal and very lonely.
I feel so alone xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Hello Shailen
Thank you for your post...yes, the support on here has been wonderful and I don't know where I'd be without it. Thank you so much for your supportive words and the information you provide. And most of all thank you for creating this site
Michelle x

Hi Michelle, Glad you've got in touch again. I think we have dreams about things that are very much on our mind; I dream a lot and like you can remember them afterwards, and they are often nightmares. Do you find the people at work supportive or do you feel at the moment you find it hard to tell them how you are feeling. Do you belong to facebook itself. I belong to a group called Bob the Big Issue Cat, which is made up of cat lovers from all over the world; we all share the love of cats, and some have sadness which we share and give support to. It is such a loving and kind group, and the pictures and stories we all share. We have some people who have problems with their cats, illness, and some funny stories. I have made friends on the Ralph Site; one, who I have actually met up with, and am visiting again at the end of the month. Another one who messages me regularly; I met her on here. I have been thinking of you and wondering how you were getting on. Have you got some understanding neighbours? Keep in touch, take care and speak soon. Love, Penny xx

Hi Michelle, Glad you've got in touch again. I think we have dreams about things that are very much on our mind; I dream a lot and like you can remember them afterwards, and they are often nightmares. Do you find the people at work supportive or do you feel at the moment you find it hard to tell them how you are feeling. Do you belong to facebook itself. I belong to a group called Bob the Big Issue Cat, which is made up of cat lovers from all over the world; we all share the love of cats, and some have sadness which we share and give support to. It is such a loving and kind group, and the pictures and stories we all share. We have some people who have problems with their cats, illness, and some funny stories. I have made friends on the Ralph Site; one, who I have actually met up with, and am visiting again at the end of the month. Another one who messages me regularly; I met her on here. I have been thinking of you and wondering how you were getting on. Have you got some understanding neighbours? Keep in touch, take care and speak soon. Love, Penny xx

Sorry Michelle, last post came out twice XXXX

Hello everyone
I've had a couple of really bad days...I can't stop thinking about Big, did I have him put to sleep too quickly...I can't sleep..going to bed about 4ish and not getting up til late.
I'm now on annual leave for a week and I'm dreading it. I feel so very lonely. I don't really have anyone to talk to about Big except on here. I can't stop crying when I'm at home, and if I don't think about Big I feel guilty I am not thinking about him. I can't win. I live in Clacton on Sea in Essex and wondered if any of you live nearby who meet up for coffee and chat??? Hope you are all well xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Hi Michelle, So sorry to hear the last few days have been really tough for you. I think just taking each day as it comes is the easiest way. I have some better days and some really bad but please do not feel guilty. You did what what right to ensure poor Big did not suffer any further and that was surely an act of mercy. I live in Bromley, miles from you, I wish I could be of some help. I think and dream of my TC constantly. So I do understand your continued pain. And I understand about the guilt when you are not thinking of him, I talk of him constantly, and watch my long suffering friends roll their eyes, but if they lost someone, be it person or animal, that they loved, I would be understanding. Dont feel alone, we are all sad for you, and care about you, And darling Big Fella. xxxxxxxx

Hello Michelle, I'm in Hertfordshire, so a long way; if lived nearer would have met up with you. The feelings you are going through we have all been through; so many stages of grief, and so many mixed emotions. After three years I still get very emotional and still cry, but feel her love around me with her pictures and talking about her to friends that do understand. Not everyone understands unfortunately, and there are friends who I know do not understand. Are you on f/book; there are groups on there who all share their feelings, and as I said i have made some lovely friends, because they are all so understanding. I am always here to chat to Michelle; my heart goes out to you, and I share your sadness. Take care, and remember how much love you shared over the years with your Big Fella. Hugs xxxx

Hello Penny and Vanessa, thank-you for keeping in touch...Thank you for being so understanding. It is just reassuring to know there are other people out there who grieve and miss their beloved pets as much as me.
I may not have people nearby who understand the extent of my feelings and loss - but I have a release on here for my emotions, and I am so grateful for that. I am started to feel very emotional about my two 14 year cats who I love to pieces, I'm so scared I'm going to lose them too due to their age....does anyone else experience this with their pets?? Lots of love Michelle xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Hello Michelle, I can understand your feelings about your two cats. I have never had another cat, but can understand that I would worry; it is a natural feeling. Enjoy them and try not to worry; easier said than done I know ! Glad you feel you can release your emotions on here. It is the feeling that you can share all the emotions you are experiencing with people who know what you are going through. Always here for a chat, so get in touch whenever you feel like it. would love to hear about your other cats! Take care, and lots of love, Penny xxx

Hi Michelle. I have a cat that is 17 years old! He was a Battersea rescue cat. He has only 3 legs. a viral condition which means he needs constant injections to stop his throat closing up, and signs of kidney failure which he is on medicine and special food for. I will be gutted when he departs, but at least he has had a long life, and hopefully a happy one! So I guess I would say enjoy every moment with them while they are with you. And thats all you can really do! Its always tough losing them, at any age. Yes, I agree with Penny, would be lovely to hear all about your cats. Sincerely xxxxxx