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On August 25th 2016 I said goodbye to my beloved fur baby Ellie she was 16 years old and been suffering with arthritis, spondylitis, hip displasier & a fracture at the bottom of her spine. Ellie had been through so much in last few years from gallstones, liver issues, dental disease & pre cancerous cells on her spleen that the vets thought that one day the pre cancerous cells would take ellie away from us little did we know that after a xray only a couple weeks before she was put to sleep that the issues with her spine would take my baby away forever. My fur baby ended up being paralysed & in loads & had to make the toughest decision of my life to let my Ellie go.

We had Ellie cremated on Wednesday 31st August 2016 this left us even more heart broken seeing her for the final time & as a comfort we now have Ellie's ashes back with us in a memory box which we will always treasure. That same day we travelled to Blackpool for a holiday which was already booked but we didn't enjoy it at all due to our loss.

I reached breaking point at work last Wednesday morning that I had to take A/L again so i have been on leave since last Thursday as well as having this week off too. The last 6 weeks since loosing my Elle finally caught up with me & even though I've grieved over Ellie in this time I really haven't had the time to properly grieve due to distractions of work etc & no wonder it got on top of me causing this meltdown. I've avoided my friends I've not gone out socially cause I feel guilty trying to enjoy myself & even though I'll never forget my Ellie I had 2 canvasses made of her in the house plus I have put out loads of framed pictures everywhere to comfort me & to help ease the pain. The house is a shrine in memory of my Ellie

My life revolved around my baby & now she gone I feel like I'm at a lost & my life has gone down the drain, I speak to blue cross pet bereavement support on a daily basis & they have helped me so much, I find it's good to talk & to bring out your emotions as there is no shame in being upset over your beloved pet.

I would like to hear everyone else's advice & how everyone is dealing with their loss & helping one another will help us through these very sad times.

In the meantime I put a memorial together on CPC website where Ellie was cremated & I have put a memorial together on the Ralph Site & have put a memorial on Blue Cross too.

My ellie has gone world wide on various dog groups, Ellie even has her own FB group called In memory of my beloved fur baby Ellie & I do find the more you talk about your loss the more it helps you to heal & whilst I'm healing I will never ever forget my darling Ellie & will love her always & forever & my memories of Ellie will always stay close to my heart.

Hello Claire, I am so sorry for the loss of your precious Ellie. I understand completely your feelings. My cat Toffee was pts nearly 5 years ago her death turned my life upside down. She had been diagnosed with cancer a few weeks before her death and we had her home for the last few weeks. Our much loved and adored pets are family and their loss leaves a huge gap in our lives. She is buried under her favourite garden seat, and every night I pop my head out of the door to say goodnight. Time does heal; although you never think it will; you have created some wonderful memories of Ellie and I think that is a wonderful thing to do. We have photos of Toffee around and I think it does help. Although we said we would never again have another cat, we fostered first of all and then adopted a 10 month old pregnant kitten. She was a stray and we decided that we would adopt her and give her a loving home; Toffee would have wanted that; she was so loved and will be in my heart forever. Take care; keep in touch and big hugs to you X Penny X

Hello Penny thank you so much for your kind words much appreciated.

Sorry to hear of your sad loss too. Sounds lovely where you have your beloved cat buried & adorable you say goodnight to her every night, very touching. I speak to my Ellie on a daily basis like I did when she was alive & to be honest we don't do anything different we still go on our dog walks as it's another memory we want to keep alive as well as the framed pictures we have around the house & canvasses of my beautiful girl. Even now I'm still over protective of my Ellie's ashes in her picture frame memory box like I was over protective when she was alive. Ellie & I had a very strong bond / connection & this will always stay with me forever.

7 weeks on I'm very slowly working my way through the heartache as at the beginning I have been finding the heartache has been acting as a blockage to my memories of Ellie as it has been focusing more on her sad loss & when I'm feeling emotional I allow myself that moment to grieve then I switch it into a happy memory straight away helping me to put a smile back on my face again. Only very recently my heartache is slowly allowing me more memories through of my Ellie & in time I know the heartache will become less & will allow my wonderful memories through of her this doesn't mean I'll forget Ellie as I will never ever forget my fur baby & will love her always & forever.

Glad you have photos of Toffee too it gives you extra comfort in your life as I said it keeps their memory alive. Very lovely that you took another kitten on did you keep the babies? I assume you handed them over to loving homes? I'm not ready to have another dog as my heart has been shattered into millions of pieces & reading what you said that Toffee would of wanted you to have another I reckon my Ellie would want me to rescue/save love another fur baby but it's far too early for me to consider another dog as I rather allow myself to work through the heartache of loosing my Ellie, it will go either 2 ways I may have another fur baby or I may never ever another as I wouldn't want to have another fur baby still knowing I was grieving & comparing the fur baby to my Ellie as it wouldn't be fair on either of us until then I'm concentrating on keeping my Ellie's memory alive.

Take care too Penny big hugs to you too xx ❤️

Hello Claire, Thank you for your kind words. Keeping Ellie alive in your walks and all the memories you have around you will give you comfort. We didn't keep the kittens ; we have named the cat we adopted April as that's when she first came to us. Toffee had been dead nearly 3 and a half years when we started fostering and then adopted April. I felt like you do ; somehow when we did adopt April it felt right, and like I said Toffee would have been happy to know that a little one, a stray, with no name, was joining our family.
Ellie had a wonderful life with you and she will always be around you; their personalities leave memories and in time you will feel that the sad times will be at the back of your mind. The last few days of Toffee's life I try to put to the back of my mind now and focus on the happy times and the special love we shared; she was so friendly and everyone living around would stop and stroke her. Take care of yourself and I am always here for you. Love and Hugs, Penny xxxxx

Hello again Penny your kind words are such a comfort for me thank you.

3.5 years before you fostered that's a good amount of time to have given yourself to grieve over your beloved cat I have no idea or even wonder how long it will take me there is no rush on grieving as you well know. Very appropriate name April I like it your thinking seems similar to mine & no doubt you was a wonderful fur baby cat mummy to Toffee like I was a wonderful fur baby dog mummy to Ellie. Your the first cat lover online to give myself a dog lover loving comments as normally all dog & cat lovers stick together, but when we loose our babies we are still grieving for our fur babies whether they are cats or dogs, even rabbits etc.

My Ellie did have a wonderful life with us & she knew it & I spoilt her rotten she had the best of the best. You have a very good point about focusing on the good memories like I said in my previous message my heartache is slowly allowing more memories through of Ellie & in time it will only be on beautiful loving memories & not focusing on Ellie's passing.

My Ellie was friendly just like your Toffee everyone loved Ellie even children adored her I miss Ellie's presence very much but am adapting slowly God bless my Ellie & your Toffee running around free of pain as whole over the rainbow bridge my Ellie probably waits for me from time to time & I know we meet again one day.

Take care thank you being here for me I'll be here for you too hugs again xx

Hello Claire, and thank you for your lovely words ; your love for sweet Ellie comes through in everything you say and she had the most wonderful mummy. Ellie is at Rainbow Bridge free from pain and knowing she was adored and loved; it is us that are left behind that do the suffering now, because we miss them so much. Always here Claire; time is a great healer, but take time and treasure all the wonderful memories you have around you. Take care; hugs and love xxx xxxx