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I lost my dog on the 19th of this month, he was ill for a while couldn't walk properly and had fits a lot. The vet had told me he would not get better so I had to put him to sleep. Before the day itself i found myself getting lower and lower, breaking down in tears all the time, i was questioning myself how could i do this? But on the day it was heartbreaking i stayed with him throughout the whole process, I wont say what happened as its not nice to hear.But i held him afterwards and then left, since then I have cried here and then but I feel like I'm more numb than anything as even though i watched him die, i still believe he is just at my mums house waiting for me to pick him up. It doesn't feel like he has gone and i cannot accept it. I thought i was doing okay because I've made myself go to college everyday more than usual. But its been pointed out that i am avoiding the situation as i get up, go out, come back for when my friend is ready to skype, stay on skype till morning, Its the same thing every day and weekends i have gone away. I lock myself in my bedroom and close all the other doors in my house. I sleep with his collar around my arm and take it out with me. Sometimes i just want to cry but nothing comes out, i feel bad and guilty about a lot of things but i feel worse because its probably not showing in some ways unless you was a person who spoke to me everyday. Sometimes i forget that he is gone because it doesn't feel right. How can i stop avoiding it? My friend and my doctor believes the feeling may break out of this numbness when i get his ashes in a few days time but what if it doesn't? I hate feeling like nothing especially when he was every thing to me :( Is this normal?

Hello Emma, I am so sorry to read that your precious dog was put to sleep a few days ago. The feelings you are experiencing I felt myself when I lost my cat 5 years ago. Our precious pets are so close to us and the sudden gap they leave is very hard to accept and the feelings you are having are not abnormal; I had all sorts of mixed emotions and still do have times when certain memories of her death come flooding back. It is early days ; take each day at a time; do what you want to do; take his collar out with you; anything that brings you comfort. I even had a little piece of my cats claw which I found and I placed that on the edge of her photo. Take care; always here if you want to talk; when his ashes come home you will feel he is back with you, and I think that will give you some comfort. Hugs, Penny xx

Thank you for your kind words and support, I am sorry to hear about your cat. I can relate to the memories I had a look through a few photos today and I felt myself trying to hold back the tears but they just came flooding out. I don't know how to explain but I felt a hold against me whilst i was crying. I can tell people that he has gone as saying it is easy but I still tell myself that he is coming back soon for real, as that's what it feels like. I have still kept his bowl where it was, everything is still in place even though i have been told to move on I cannot. I am not listening to the people who say them things as they are not helping me at all. I miss him like mad, I just probably do not look like i do. I can't help but feel guilty about it all either as i could of done better for him. I haven't really got people I can speak to where I live and the people I have got in other places I don't want to say too much as I don't want to start annoying them and being sad all the time so i think i am blocking my dogs death for more than one reason. I know also that people do not know what to say after a while xx

Let the tears flow Emma; take your time; its easy for people to say move on but its not easy; I know myself that there are people who just don't understand and I tried to avoid listening to their so-called advice. Your dear dog was a big part of your life; they are part of the family, and their death leaves a huge gap and great sadness. The guilt is something we all experience; we go back over the sad times, but eventually the happy times will take over and you will remember with joy the time you had together. Keep his bowl where it was; carry on as long as you want to do the things you shared and in time it will become easier. Always here for you Emma, and I do understand ! xxxxxx

Thank you for hearing me out, I just feel so angry at the moment about everything but I don't understand why. Just nothing inside me anymore. Do you know how long it takes roughly for the remains to come back as it will be two weeks tomorrow. I am trying to break the numbness by watching videos and looking through pictures but nothing is working xxx

I am not sure how long it takes for the remains to come back Emma as have my cat buried in the garden; I would have thought it would be soon Anger is another emotion we go through; part of the grieving; I think you will feel more comforted when your loved dog's ashes are home with you. Take care xxxxx

Hey can I say something, I probably won't word it right but I'll try. Every weekend since he has been gone and I have came away to my friends house. I've now been here since Thursday day time and will leave tomorrow morning. And as it doesn't feel like he has gone anyway it feels a lot more like he is there to pick up when I go home. It's almost like I have forgotten. Sometimes I see myself going back and doing the same sort of things like, laying down beside him and stroking his face, but I don't see him only in my mind. I don't understand what is going on. And I can feel something bad about to happen :( within myself xx

Hello Emma, I think you are experiencing deep grief, and when you are away and going home your mind blocks out the fact that your dear dog is not there. I used to feel like that, going home to things just as they were Do you feel better being with your friend; is your friend understanding of your feelings as it might help to share them when you are facing the prospect of going home. Something bad is not going to happen; you are experiencing the loss of a dear friend and companion and there is an emptiness in your life. Take care; always here for you xx

Yes being with my friend helps loads but maybe too much as it feels like I've forgotten. And I can't expect my friend to have me round every weekend. But then I feel I need to go somewhere else as I can't say at home. When I'm here I feel okay, but like today is my last day and that's when it gets confusing, I start to feel down and low. My friend does know yes, I was able to open up to him the weekend so I felt like that helped in a way. I hate going home as there is nothing there for me anymore. Everyday is the same when I'm there I wake up go to college and then Come home ready to Skype with my friend, as I can't bare the silence in my home.

I can understand how you are feeling Emma; going home to an empty house; waking up is one of the hardest times of the day as well. I am glad your friend was understanding; being with people who understand helps, especially if they have been through it themselves. Joining the Ralph Site helped me ; talking to people who had experienced and understood my feelings. Are there any rescue centres near you that you could maybe help a few hours a week to take away the loneliness you are feeling? Take care; it is very early days. Have you got your dear dog's ashes back now. Maybe you will feel he is near when they are back x

Yeah I do feel more at ease talking to you, you have helped me a lot. I'm not sure if there is actually and also I have a lot of animal fur allergies too the only reason I was able to have Bobby was because he didn't malt. No not yet, but I heard from the Vets today that they are there ready for me to collect tomorrow so that's good. Although in my head I keep thinking I'm picking up him as himself and not as ashes in a box xx

It will be difficult for you at first when you pick up your precious dog's ashes; but I think you will find comfort that Bobby is back home where he belongs. I think it has been quite a while that you have been separated, but when you come home he will be there for you; not the same, but it is a comfort. Maybe you can make a little memorial where you keep his ashes. I have photos of my cat Toffee all around; she is buried under the garden seat where she loved to sit, so I feel is near me. Take care and always here to chat Emma xx

Hello, it did hit me quite hard once I got his remains as weirdly I believed I was going to give him a cuddle but realised it wasn't the same as I imagined. Everyday from that day I picked him up I have felt numb, I'm crying mentally at out of the blue times. I could just be sat there and then floods would spill out. I've been at my friends once again I got back today and as soon as I got in I was in floods off tears. I think I try and avoid it as much as possible and then the moment when i'm alone it hits me more. I feel bad as i feel like its not real at times but then it does. I am really confused, too many things are changing and i can't deal with it. The crying goes on for ages and I feel like I am almost choking or out of breath I don't know if that's normal... I keep having at least two migraines a day sometimes my vision is blurred, sometimes my ears hurt, I feel sick and the massive pounding. I do usually get migraine but not like this much. Could it be related to the grief? xx

Hello Elaine, The migraines and blurred vision could be related to the grief, but I feel you should consult your doctor as you need to check the symptoms you are experiencing. It seems that when you are alone you just are not coping. Can you stay at your friends for a bit longer so that you are not on your own ? Thinking of you ; take care xxxxxx

Hi Emma,

Very sorry for your loss and that you are struggling so much at the moment. For sure it is not easy. I agree with Penny that it would be worth seeing your doctor and making sure that he/she is aware of your circumstances.

Also when you are alone at home there are support services you can speak to, e.g. http://www.theralphsite.com/index.php?idPage=21.

And you may in fact find it useful to see a bereavement counsellor, e.g. http://www.theralphsite.com/index.php?idPage=22.

As well as Penny's excellent support please reach out to your doctor and others as sometimes grief can turn into something more serious/long-term and you may need more professional help.

Thinking of you,

Shailen