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Recent cat loss

Posted by: Manycats Posts: 4 - Joined: Fri Oct 14th, 2016 05:53 pm

#1072 - by Manycats >> Sat Oct 15th, 2016 02:27 pm

We had to make the decision to have our cat put to sleep 3 days ago. She hadn't been 100%, but not quite at death's door.
She had been treated 2 months ago for diarrhoea and vomiting which she seemed to recover from. Also nearly a year ago, after tests, it was revealed that although she didn't have a tumour, her kidneys were not as they should be. Two days before we took her to the vet this time, she had become a bit incontinent in the bowel department. She had been eating, but not as much.
Her stomach looked a bit swollen, as it had for a long time, but she was still enjoying life. At the last visit a week ago today we had to take that final step. She was such an affectionate cat, still purring until her last breath.
We took her home, and buried her in the garden, as she loved it there. Since that day, I have been overwhelmed with grief and guilt. I have broken my heart and cried so much. I haven't been able to hang out the washing in the garden since, as Chloe was always at my feet when I was hanging washing out and would follow me back in the house for food.
Sometimes we used to get cross with her as she was quite a fussy eater. Try as I might, all the negative thoughts come back, instead of the good. I am in my 70s and although I have had several of our cats put to sleep and been sad, this last time has hit me harder than before.
Please help me to come to terms with this. I have lost weight since 3 days ago. Husband is supportive - he has a strong character and in fact Chloe preferred his lap to mine, but he has been crying.
We feel guilty in signing for her euthenasia. She was extremely affectionate and we wonder as she was not visibly suffering, we could have had her for a few more weeks.

A. Maskell
Posted by: Penny Hudson Posts: 155 - Joined: Tue Mar 13th, 2012 03:35 pm

#1073 - by Penny Hudson >> Sat Oct 15th, 2016 02:44 pm

I read your post and share your sadness; I felt very negative thoughts after I had to put my precious cat Toffee pts; I think it is all part of grieving, especially when the decision has to be made ; Toffee had been diagnosed with cancer and the last few days of her life, after nearly 5 years I try to put to the back of my mind. You will be able to in time; you gave Chloe so much love and such a wonderful life, and this will be what you must try to think of. Have you told your vet how you feel; maybe he can give you some answers and help you to overcome your guilt. we have Toffee buried in the garden; like Chloe she loved it there. Sending you hugs and am always here to talk; take care xxxxx Penny xx
Posted by: Michelle Ball Posts: 66 - Joined:

#1074 - by Michelle Ball >> Sat Oct 15th, 2016 03:00 pm

Hello there,
First of all, I'm so sorry to hear about your loss; I can feel how devastated you are from the words you write. Chloe sounds like a very special cat indeed.
Secondly, you made a very brave, courageous decision to let Chloe go. By doing this, you ensured she would deteriorate further and be in pain. You have made a very difficult decision but definitely the right one. By doing so Chloe has not had to endure discomfort and suffering. For what it's worth, and as hard as it is, i would have made exactly the same decision as you and your husband.
Grief is a very challenging process; I remember when I had my cat, Big Fella, put to sleep last year (he had kidney disease) I found the pain and guilt unbearable. I had to take leave from work, couldn't eat or sleep, and just felt completely overwhelmed by negative feelings and thoughts.
Fantastic support came from The Blue Cross pet charity, who offer free pet bereavement counselling. I can't recommend it enough - please go to their website and follow the links. You can have counselling either by telephone or via email.
Also, stay in contact on here. Everyone is so supportive.
In the meantime, try to be gentle on yourself and go with the 'ebb and flow' of grief.
Michelle x
Posted by: garden girl Posts: 9 - Joined: Mon Aug 15th, 2016 09:19 pm

#1075 - by garden girl >> Sat Oct 15th, 2016 03:28 pm

I'm really sorry to hear about your grief and guilt, but trust me, we all go through it. I was the same back in May when I had my darling Jasmine put to sleep. Unfortunately it's a process, something you have to go through. Not exactly what you want to hear I'm sure, but the only thing you can do is tell yourself there was no-one who could have loved her more, no-one who cared more. Those of us who do care so very much, grieve deeply. I put a little shrine in the garden where I buried Jasmine's casket of ashes: I had a granite remembrance stone engraved and each time I go to the coast I try and find a really nice stone or shell to put there for her. I talk to her every time I work in the garden - and hey, if the neighbours think I'm batty - who cares!
Why don't you buy a pretty photo album and put notes and pictures of her life in there. Yes, it will make you cry but each time you do it is letting out a bit of the stress and tension. I only just finished the one I was making - it has taken me 6 months before I could cope with reading all the poems and seeing her photos, but it's lovely to have. When I feel the tears coming, I can open the album and find a focus for my sadness, and each time another memory can make me smile through the grief.
Anyway, hope this helped even a little bit. Sending hugs.
Posted by: Manycats Posts: 4 - Joined: Fri Oct 14th, 2016 05:53 pm

#1076 - by Manycats >> Sat Oct 15th, 2016 06:18 pm

Thanks to all your lovely and caring replies. Will take on board your suggestions. Will keep in touch and thanks again you lovely people xxx
A. Maskell

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