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Grief gets a second wind?

Posted by: alison Posts: 6 - Joined: Tue Aug 2nd, 2011 11:12 am

#61 - by alison >> Mon Nov 28th, 2011 04:09 pm

Last week I came home from a fabulous 2 week holiday in St Lucia. I lost my cat, Bess, on 6th March this year and was coping. The day that we were travelling home I felt like I had been hit by a brick wall! Totally unexpected and out of the blue. I felt like I had lost her all over again. I think it must have been going home knowing that she would not be there. Since then I am frequently overcome with grief and feel such an idiot!!! Is it normal to feel like this again? Wounds that had started to heal have suddenly been ripped open. I have 2 rescue cats but I miss Bess so much.
Posted by: Shailen Posts: 100 - Joined:

#62 - by Shailen >> Mon Nov 28th, 2011 04:44 pm

Hi Alison,

Please don't feel like an idiot about this! You are definitely not alone in feeling this way. In fact I had a very similar experience after my cat Ralph (he of this website!) died. After the initial raw phase, I thought I was dealing with it pretty well. But then not long after I went away for 3 weeks and when I got back home I really felt the grief again - like you it did take me by surprise how bad it felt but in hindsight maybe I should have expected it. Like you say I think it is just that we have been so used to coming home to them, being greeted by them, having a cuddle etc. One of the highlights of returning home after a period away is being greeted by our furry friends and this time he or she is not there. Up to that point we have been coping but stepping out of coping day-to-day, getting away and then coming back to face the reality is always going to have the potential to re-open the raw emotions and another period of healing and recovering is required. But this time should lead to a more complete recovery as far as coping without Bess is concerned.

The way you are feeling is certainly understandable so please don't feel like you are being unreasobable or silly about it.
Shailen (The Ralph Site founder)
Posted by: Admin Posts: 72 - Joined: Wed Jun 8th, 2011 01:05 am

#63 - by Admin >> Mon Nov 28th, 2011 09:04 pm

Some comments from our Facebook page:

"yes....for me grief has certainly had a second wind..... I thought the other day, that I was coping quite well, after the losses of my 2 guineapigs this year, particularly as I have 2 little baby piggies keeping me busy...but then the memories flooded my mind again, and I was engulfed in a fresh wave of sadness and longing for them...In fact, I feel very sad today"

"i dont think you ever finish grieving my little ckcs had to be put to sleep 3 years ago and i thought i was over it and had dealt with his loss until i had to hold one for the same procedure .....there are triggers i think that make you remember what you have lost and perhaps this is what we think of as a second wind for grief"
The Ralph Site Admin
Posted by: alison Posts: 6 - Joined: Tue Aug 2nd, 2011 11:12 am

#64 - by alison >> Tue Nov 29th, 2011 01:10 pm

Just wanted to say thanks for your support. Have read facebook posts and don't feel so alone now. So glad that we have this site. Without it I would have felt that I had nowhere to turn to. Watch this space, I am hoping to post a memorial for Bess in the not too distant future.
Thanks again, Alison
Posted by: Shailen Posts: 100 - Joined:

#65 - by Shailen >> Tue Nov 29th, 2011 03:03 pm

Hi Alison,

Glad that we are all able to help each other during these difficult times. It is easy to feel isolated in one's grief isn't it. Very much look forward to seeing Bess' memorial whenever you feel able to post it. Take care.
Shailen (The Ralph Site founder)
Posted by: Irene Posts: 29 - Joined: Sun Aug 21st, 2011 05:22 pm

#69 - by Irene >> Mon Dec 12th, 2011 10:27 am

Talking about grief getting a second wind.....3rd, 4th, 5th wind, even...... Yesterday, I was trying to sort through some of my stuff, and bring my room etc back into some order, after going through some very traumatic family developments...This in itself was sad and difficult.... But then I came across a little gold sweet tin, that I'd pushed to the back of a drawer..... I felt the tears well up, as I opened it, and inside was a lock of brown, gold, white and black hair, from my beloved Sheltie guineapig, Dale, who died in April this year..... I cried and grieved and missed him all over again... But it also brought smiles to my face and lots of giggles, as the memories of all his cute little antics also came flooding back....
RIP my darling "Piggy Angel" Dale, and ALL our beloved furries..... We will grieve and grieve again, time after time, as things trigger memories..... But I find comfort in believing that they are all watching over us, waiting for that wonderful day, some day....when we'll all meet again....
I'm so glad I can say all this here, and not be laughed at....This means a lot too...
Posted by: Natalie Posts: 21 - Joined: Mon Jan 2nd, 2012 06:12 pm

#115 - by Natalie >> Wed Jan 11th, 2012 11:25 pm

Last night I cooked spag bol for tea. As i was dishing up i realised i cooked enough for kye too. I burst into tears because spag bol was one of his favourites! I have been so brave for the last few days and I cant believe it was pasta that knocked the wind out of me! X
Posted by: Shailen Posts: 100 - Joined:

#117 - by Shailen >> Thu Jan 12th, 2012 02:15 am

That made me sad and smile at the same time Natalie. Sad for obvious reasons, but smiling also at the thought of Kye munching on sphag bol! What a character! Bless him x
Shailen (The Ralph Site founder)

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