Should it start getting better now?

Posted by: Bev T Posts: 2 - Joined: Sat Jan 7th, 2012 04:10 pm

#98 - by Bev T >> Sat Jan 7th, 2012 06:27 pm

We had to have our darling labrador Holly put to sleep on 23/12/11. She was 15 years old and had been with since she was an 8 week old puppy. I find it has affected me far deeper than I thought possible. I've been through the loss of both my parents and this doesn't seem any less painful. The only difference is people make allowances when you lose a person but I now find that other people expect you to have it 'together' now (2 weeks after) because it was 'only a dog'.

I spent a great deal of time with Holly over the years not just because she was a wonderful dog but she had health issues which required extra care so I tended to her needs more than anyone in the family. I walked her, fed her, gave her medication and nursed her when she needed it - now I feel lost without her.

I keep looking for her in the house and keep crying on and off - people don't understand why I keep crying. I try not to cry when other people are around as it makes me and them embarassed and I can't really explain except to say Holly's gone.

It this normal?
Posted by: Shailen Posts: 100 - Joined:

#99 - by Shailen >> Sat Jan 7th, 2012 07:37 pm

Dear Bev,

Really very sorry for your loss. I saw your memorial to Holly - it was truly very moving, very lovely. She sounds like a wonderful friend and it sounds like you had a mutually loving relationship. You should know that what you are feeling is completely normal and entirely understandable to all of us who 'get it', who understand the wonder of the relationship we have with our furry friends. 15 years is a long time and we interact so much with our dogs that if anything it would be strange if you were not feeling Holly's absence. There are many people who understand how you are feeling and why you are feeling the way you are so please continue to reach out to like-minded people including here and on our Facebook page.

There is some information here including about your "rights" when you are grieving that you may find comforting/helpful. In particular, try not to feel time pressure to heal quickly, more quickly than you are ready. It takes a different period of time for everyone to start to feel better and the key is to be trying to take little baby positive steps and move slowly in the right direction. For some people the grieving process goes on for a very long time because they become clinically depressed and need medical assistance but for you, after only 2 weeks, I really don't think you should be feeling any pressure.

Also, if you feel it would help to talk about it with someone without worrying about your/their embarassment, please do contact the Pet Bereavement Support Service which is available every day and has trained volunteers who are very well used to talking to people grieving the loss of a companion. Their details are at the top of this page:

Thinking of you. RIP Holly x
Shailen (The Ralph Site founder)
Posted by: Deborah Dutton Posts: 10 - Joined: Fri Jan 6th, 2012 05:23 pm

#100 - by Deborah Dutton >> Sat Jan 7th, 2012 11:13 pm

Dear Bev, so sorry for your loss, I have to say I totally agree with Shailen, What you are feeling is both normal and healthy, you have lost a precious member of your family who you love and miss greatly, as you mention holly has been with you since she was a puppy and into her old age, your her mum and you have every right to greive for holly in any way that helps you heal in your own time, we are all here for you and understand completeley, Love and affection Deborah,
Posted by: Deborah Dutton Posts: 10 - Joined: Fri Jan 6th, 2012 05:23 pm

#101 - by Deborah Dutton >> Sun Jan 8th, 2012 12:21 am

Bev, to share with you I had to take my much loved cat Tabitha to be put to sleep on the 8.12.2011, Tabitha came into my life at just seven weeks old and was 20years old when she died in my arms, I held her body close next to my heart sobbing and I never wanted to let her go, In the days since and right now as I write this I hurt so much I struggle to get through each day, I look for her out of habbit and picture her everywhere, I often hold the blanket that she was wrapped in I rock gently as if she was in my arms remembering how she looked, felt and her unique scent, it comforts me helps me cope, I hopes sharing this with you helps you in some way, Love and affection Deborah xxx
Posted by: Natalie Posts: 21 - Joined: Mon Jan 2nd, 2012 06:12 pm

#103 - by Natalie >> Sun Jan 8th, 2012 01:56 am

My heart goes out to you bev. I lost my boy on new years day. He was 13 and had been my baby since he was 4 month old. I too am on the emotional rollercoaster and I think people are getting bored of it now. I cry in private too. Its one week tomorrow (Sunday) since my boy was put to sleep and I am dreading it. I am going to walk in the woods in the morning to avoid the this time last week hell.

This site is amazing and I honestly feel that I can say anything here and no one will laugh.

My thoughts are with you. X

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