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Posted by: andy c Posts: 2 - Joined: Sun Dec 16th, 2012 11:30 am

#404 - by andy c >> Sun Dec 16th, 2012 12:14 pm

I found my cat, Seth, laying in the road friday morning lifeless. No signs of injury but I suspect he was hit by a car. I picked him up and placed him in a black bag and left him in the garden. I thought I would bury him when I come home from work. When I came home l dug a hole and check him again, still lifeless, and l buried him.
He was more then a pet to me, he was my mate. He was always following me around, he was very loving and showed real afflection to me. He had lovely little mannerisms like sitting on my table watching me eat my corn flakes in the morning, waiting for me to finish so he could finish the milk in the bowl. And I knew l would get upset but my god when it hit me saturday afternoon, driving home from wales after picking my son up from uni, I cried like l have never in my life cried before. And l have'nt stopped crying.
Its the guilt more then anything. I should have taken him to a vet, maybe he was still alive. But it was 6am, no vets open for another 3 hours.
Guilt as l look out on the patch in the garden where l buried him and it just breaks my heart.
Guilt as l think he did'nt look like he was hit by a car maybe something else happen and he was not dead.
Are these guilty feelings part of the bereavement process?. l miss him so much that I feel l should have done more for him and that makes things that much more painful.
My kids have watched their father sobbing these past two days and they tell me that l am torturing myself with the guilt but l can't help it.
I feel partly responsable for the lost of a great little character called Seth.
Posted by: Shailen Posts: 100 - Joined:

#405 - by Shailen >> Sun Dec 16th, 2012 04:50 pm

So sorry to hear about Seth and how difficult you are finding it at the moment. As a vet specialising in Emergency and Critical Care, it does sound very much from your description that Seth was already dead when you found him Friday morning. Moreover even if there was a remote possiblity that at that very moment he was still alive, still had a heart beat, the reality is that by the time you would have got him to a vet he would have passed already. As I say, it sounds very much like he was already dead and even as a specialist in Emergency and Critical Care, it is my opinion that nothing could have been done for Seth.

Unfortunately guilt is very often part of the grief that people feel and in most cases, as in yours, it is misplaced guilt. Guilt is a negative emotion and does nothing to help with your grief and to help you in time to move forward. It is still very early days for you and the grief is so raw but please try your best to put the guilt to one side and instead focus on your sadness and sorrow at having lost your friend. Acknowledging and engaging with this sadness is what will help you in the long run. I know it is easier said than done, but please try and let go of the guilt.

If you feel it would help to talk to someone, please do consider ringing the Pet Bereavement Support Service where trained volunteers are always happy to speak with people. Their details are here:

Thinking of you. RIP Seth.
Shailen (The Ralph Site founder)
Posted by: andy c Posts: 2 - Joined: Sun Dec 16th, 2012 11:30 am

#406 - by andy c >> Sun Dec 16th, 2012 05:35 pm

Thankyou for your understanding words and it has helped me understand a little better that the guilt was getting in the way. I never thought the loss of a pet could cause such heartache. I will remember my little mate and the joy he bought the family and me and use those memories to move on.
Thankyou once again.
Posted by: Shailen Posts: 100 - Joined:

#407 - by Shailen >> Mon Dec 17th, 2012 12:20 pm

Yes it does sometimes take people by surprise how much it hurts. But when we think about it, why wouldn't it? They are friends, part of our extended family, emotional creatures who share bonds with us.

I hope that you can slowly start to move forward as the pain subsides to be replaced by happy memories and smiles thinking about Seth. Doing something to memorialise him may help - there is info on this site; doing something positive in his memory can help - e.g. donating to a rescue centre, not necessarily money, but time or some cat food or a bed etc.

Take care.
Shailen (The Ralph Site founder)
Posted by: Rob McHale Posts: 10 - Joined: Mon Apr 21st, 2014 06:23 pm

#591 - by Rob McHale >> Mon Apr 21st, 2014 09:43 pm

Yes, I second guessed myself yesterday when my Daisy passed away.
My guilt is I should have gotten her a checkup sooner, I will have to live with that.
But guilt does not solve anything, you made the decision at the time and it was the right one.

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