Unknown - 09/09/19
Human family: Aurora Lee
Photo(s) of Millie (8)

Millie

My Dear Millie,
My dear, dear beautiful girl - treasured travelling companion, boat-cat, soulmate and best friend. Love of my life. You came to me unexpectedly - a gift. I couldn’t refuse you when you needed a home, and you chose me by sleeping on my tummy and walking straight into your cat box for me to take you back to Sarah Lizzie, your new home, who was at that time out of the water on the back of a lorry for blacking. When I finally let you out onto deck, after our lovely week of sharing the inner space, I held you and told you we didn’t live up here but over there on the river, just visible below. It didn’t take you long to work out how to climb down, and I tried to stay calm as I descended the ladder in the dark with your cat box to retrieve you. I had thought about where you might want to sit or lie down and had made spaces for you on the sofa and chest. You frequented these places and many others including the worktop, where you would curl up or stretch full length while we moved the boat. On your last night on this earth I lit one of the first fires of the turning season, and you curled yourself on top of the woodbox, managing to look comfortable on the uneven logs and getting as close to the fire as you could. When it was bedtime I gently picked you up in your sleeping shape and you let me carry you like that to bed, where you stayed still all night. You did this every night towards the end, lying next to me on the inside of my dressing gown and sometimes snuggling up to me and putting your head or paw on my chest. You would lie there so still, late into the morning, and I would lie there with you stroking your beautiful head, cheeks and chin until my bones ached. The evening would start with me settling back into my favourite spot on the sofa with your favourite fluffy dressing gown on. I would pat my tummy and you would jump up for a cuddle and start kneading me with your paws and purring. You were so loving and I was so happy when you were happy. It was Heaven - just you and me, safe and warm, with the World outside. I would kiss you behind your velvety ears and bury my nose in the soft, peachy fur there, inhaling your bitter, fluffy scent. Sometimes you would climb up onto my neck or above my head like a fluffy crown. It was so sweet and I never minded your claws, which you forgot to put in and were needle-sharp. You would sometimes claw my chest in your affection, but I was just so happy to have your love and your sweet little feet showing me your contentment. I spent so much time like this cuddling you that last year, and looking at you - trying to imprint your beauty upon my memory forever. Every little bit of you from your curly, peachy tummy to your little black-booted back legs; the nick in your left ear and the ginger stripe from your eyes to your fluffy cheeks. When you were really happy at these times your ears would get really close together and your eyes would become huge, round and dark. We spent our last Summer in the meadows - you amid the thistles, ears pricked and tail held still, while all around you thistledown floated like wishes in the air, loosed by the wind. You were unable to meow by this point, but I remembered times in the past when, in this same spot, you would run in to let me know you were still ok with your bright greeting. I loved your morning meow, which was low and absolutely intermingled with the loud purring that overtook your whole body as you looked forward to your breakfast. Towards the end I knew you were uncomfortable as you purred less, and curled tightly into the crack between my arm and the sofa, burying your head. I would pick you up and hug you to me as I carried you to bed. Your fur was often wet with bloodstained saliva from your poor darling mouth, which I would bathe with a warm flannel as often as you would let me. You would also let me try to brush out your tangles - something you would never do when you were well. You knew i was grooming you and trying my best to care for you as your health declined. Even though my heart was breaking I told you it was ok for you to go - I would be all right without you, even though I am not. You kept trying your best to swallow your food and clean yourself even though I could see you were struggling. One day you didn’t eat or drink all day. In the beautiful sunshine of an early Autumn evening, you trotted purposefully up to the path, and went a long way, towards the meadow, pouncing left and right as you went, after the little sidestepping dance that meant you had seen something. I followed you, marvelling at your beautiful fur glowing orange in the light, and your grace and energy as you leapt and bounded in the grass. You had never jumped so high - making an effortless, perfect arc and landing feet apart with your fluffy tail on your back as you met the ground. It was your beautiful last dance, which you danced for me and the meadows and the river, your home. You looked at the river as if you knew, and you looked at me through yellow, half closed eyes as I played you your song for the last time in the morning, the longer hairs of your early Winter coat glistening in the light from the window. You knew it was time and you knew I loved you more than myself. More than life. I still do and always will. Your paw prints are on my heart and your bright, funny personality is always with me, helping me to take care of myself and to keep loving the life that you loved.

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